Sunday, May 24, 2009

Self-Forgiveness

"The past is past. Remember, God does not look at what you were but what you are and above all, what you want to be."
Rumer Godden
Five for Sorrow, Ten for Joy


Poisoned by Memories

Memories come back.
You thought they were buried inside,
gone forever.

Like a dinner poisoned by germs,
unable to be properly digested,
they come rushing back to the surface,
regurgitated.

They leave a bad taste.

Unless the memories are addressed
you will be left with a foul mess.

You must see to them.
You must resolve them
or you will only become
sicker and sicker,
until the memories
-like poison-
take your life.

I am so grateful for the sacrament of Reconciliation and the opportunity to clear my memory of my past sins and make my soul right with God. I am so grateful for the gift of Spiritual Direction and the opportunity to work through my struggles for holiness with a trusted friend. But even with these opportunities, some sorrows and regrets just won't go away. Sometimes, even the reassurance that God forgives me and that people I've offended forgive me, I continue to beat myself up over my past, unable to forgive myself for the things I've thought, said and done.

Jesus, remind me again and again that I am not the only one who has fallen into sin. We are all sinners, and you love us... you love me, not in spite of my sin, but because of my sin. You love me because I am your child. You know that I long for holiness and eternal union with you. Help me to let go of my poisonous memories. Help me to forgive myself and forget my past so that my entire being will be taken up with the work of drawing closer to your love instead of being consumed with regret over what was. Lead me to the peace of your love. Amen.

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