"I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak, and my thoughts seem to scatter and I think it's about forgiveness...forgiveness...even if, even if you don't love me anymore." Don Henley The Heart of the Matter
I am broken. I have separated myself from one of your children, and without that relationship, I am less than I was before. I am looking to be whole again, to be fulfilled in your love with the unity of your child from whom I am now apart. So, I cry upon your shoulder, and I lean upon your strength, because you have known this brokenness. I know that you understand my suffering. I ask you to lay down your cross for me, so that I may use it as my bridge to forgiveness. The slivers that may enter the soles of my feet will be as nothing compared to the pain that has consumed my heart from the disgrace that I have brought to you and your precious child whom you love.
Lead me, Jesus, slowly, across your bridge to forgiveness where joy and love wait for me. I believe that forgiveness will come to me, but until I reach it, remind me to walk softly, to speak gently and to pray deeply.
The wild river of pain and fear rages below me, but your cross will keep me above it all. You will safely lead me across the brokenness.
This bridge seems to go on forever, it takes so long to cross. The wind is blowing against my face and the sun is beating upon my body causing my progression to slow down. I understand that I cannot rush this process, because if I do, the peace of forgiveness will not be true or permanent, rather, it will be shallow and meaningless. What I want is a deep and lasting reconciliation that can only occur by taking one slow step at a time.
But I grow impatient for forgiveness! I hunger for it and the hunger burns in the pit of my stomach! There is nothing to nourish me and satisfy my hunger on this bridge. I can feel my hunger turn to bitterness. I am very afraid of this bitter feeling, I’m afraid that I will grow accustomed to it and begin to embrace it. I’m afraid it will move from my stomach to my heart and prevent me from ever loving anyone fully. I want my heart to remain soft and supple and loving.
I trust you Jesus, to bring me safely across this bridge, to overcome the pain and burden of this brokenness so that when I reach the other side, the glorious joy I will feel will be worth all of the pain that I have carried in my heart. On the other side of this bridge, a reunion awaits me, and you will hold our hands in yours so that we will never be separated again. Amen.
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins. Psalm 130
-as seen on Catholicmom.com
(a re-post from 5/09)
Join Jenny at Just a Minute to pray the Psalms