Saturday, March 20, 2010

Praying the Psalms-Ten










"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand."

I am the listener. At home, I listen to the complaints and problems of my family. At work, I listen to the grief of my clients and my coworkers. I offer words of understanding to soothe and then hold it all inside myself. My own troubles, I write in letters to an understanding friend as a way to share them, release them, without burdening the world. The letters are my prayer, it is a way to share my heart silently.

"You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and you listen to their cry."

But yesterday was different. Yesterday I couldn't hold my frustrations inside and I didn't take the time to write a letter prayer. I became angry with others, an emotion I'm not used to. I usually take out all of my anger on myself. (Depression is anger turned inwards.) I felt that anger and resentment rise up in a meeting at work. I heard my sharp words spoken out loud to my boss, in front of everybody. After the meeting, I rose up quickly, drove my van too fast with the music too loud. I stopped at the grocery store where I glared at everyone who looked at me, and snapped at the clerk. Arriving at home, I craved the soothing effects of chocolate, but could find none in our Lenten house, so I opened a bag of chocolate chips and ate too much.

I tried to redirect my thoughts to the Lord, but I couldn't. I had myself terribly worked up, really about nothing.

"Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"

But perhaps, it wasn't the Lord who was standing far off from me, maybe it was me who was standing far off from the Lord. I know that God was watching my troubles and my inappropriate responses to them. I know that He was loving me and was not far off, but was very nearby, waiting for me to settle my heart and turn to him. It was me who tried to hide from the Lord. Oh Lord, I failed You... I forgot You... I am so sorry.

Remind me Lord, that "You know the hopes of the humble people." Release me from my pride. "Surely You will hear my cries and comfort my heart by helping me."

Join Jenny at Just a Minute in Praying the Psalms each Saturday

11 comments:

  1. It can be really disconcerting when our human-ness rears its head. I'm sure I don't need to say this but...just in case...don't forget to forgive yourself after seeking His forgiveness.

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  2. Oh yes, I know this experience all too well. But God, in His mercy is so quick to forgive and restore us! What a wonderful point Rachel made to also forgive yourself after receiving His forgiveness- something I am learning to do! Blessings to you!

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  3. Oh my dear friend...I am so sorry that you had this experience...you have no idea how many times I have begun to "stomp" down our stairs, upset with life or angry at another...only to glance at the small half-circled window sill at the bottom of my stairway to see three things:
    1) the light shining in
    2) a small picture of Jesus
    3) AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SEA GLASS that sits next to His picture and BRINGS ME SUCH JOY AND PEACE each time I look at it!

    I was COMPLETELY panicked and tearful after Christmas when I discovered that I had tucked it away SO WELL (so no kids would spill out the contents) that I'd FORGOTTEN where I'd put it!!!! Thankfully, I found it and it remains in its special spot...I truly thank you Anne because your gift really HAS comforted me and calmed me on more than one occasion!

    "Why do I do the very things I wish not to do?"

    This is our human frailty.

    I pray that when you turn to God, you will find the same peace and solace that looking at your sea glass gives to me:)

    And I hope the days that follow will be better for you.

    ~Judy~

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  4. Good thing God is quick to pick us up. I liked Rachel's comment on forgiving yourself, too. This has been on my mind a lot lately - making sure to forgive ourselves as Jesus forgives us. I have been thinking of doing a post on it.
    We all get angry sometimes. In the Bible it says not to let the sun go down on it :)

    I have to admit I am still snickering over that funeral comment :)

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  5. Anne, what is really great is that you realized you had turned away, that God had not left you, and you repented! Really beautifully written. And we can all relate! Hugs.

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  6. Hi Anne,
    May God continue to carry you through the difficult times, and shelter you under His everlasting arms.

    God doesn't move - it's us - what a beautiful post!

    Have a wonderful week,
    Blessings,
    Jillian ♥

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  7. Thanks for being transparent, it shows your pride had not carried you too far away. Praise God, He never lets us get so far away we can't come back. Thank you for sharing. (P.S. Your link on Jenny's blog links you back to her post not yours.)

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  8. Thanks for the kind comments! The best thing about a bad day is that you never have to live it again and tomorrow is full of hope for happiness! Thanks for the tip Stacie!

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  9. Wow! What a day sister! Thank God for the grace to find Him in such a bad day; and you did find Him my friend...and that is a gift.

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  10. Hi Anne, just my two cents worth here but Jesus, our Lord, so knows that a human heart can only take so much and there will be moments of spillage when the cup of frustration overflows.

    I suspect He was right there with you, knowing full well that His tired daughter was not herself momentarily, and that you had not really left him, were just having a temper tantrum, and that you'd be fine...after half a bag of chocolate chips and a few deep breaths ;). I'll wager His concern was more for comforting you than feeling abandoned that you had dared to be angry at life for a bit.

    Can you tell I've had to go through a few of these situations with Jesus? He showed me His unfailing compassion time and again. Hugs
    Lynn

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  11. Anne,

    You remind me so much of me. We women are so willing and eager to give and give and give ... but we forget to nurture ourselves. We don't allow ourselves to experience the 'gift'. Perhaps that is why He allows us to 'lose it' occasionally--to remind us that we need to receive as well as give.

    It sounds like, with His Grace, you have experienced the fullness of His Love and rich Mercy. God bless you for the humility and generousity you show in sharing this experience!

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