Saturday, March 20, 2010
Praying the Psalms-Ten
"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand."
I am the listener. At home, I listen to the complaints and problems of my family. At work, I listen to the grief of my clients and my coworkers. I offer words of understanding to soothe and then hold it all inside myself. My own troubles, I write in letters to an understanding friend as a way to share them, release them, without burdening the world. The letters are my prayer, it is a way to share my heart silently.
"You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; You encourage them, and you listen to their cry."
But yesterday was different. Yesterday I couldn't hold my frustrations inside and I didn't take the time to write a letter prayer. I became angry with others, an emotion I'm not used to. I usually take out all of my anger on myself. (Depression is anger turned inwards.) I felt that anger and resentment rise up in a meeting at work. I heard my sharp words spoken out loud to my boss, in front of everybody. After the meeting, I rose up quickly, drove my van too fast with the music too loud. I stopped at the grocery store where I glared at everyone who looked at me, and snapped at the clerk. Arriving at home, I craved the soothing effects of chocolate, but could find none in our Lenten house, so I opened a bag of chocolate chips and ate too much.
I tried to redirect my thoughts to the Lord, but I couldn't. I had myself terribly worked up, really about nothing.
"Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?"
But perhaps, it wasn't the Lord who was standing far off from me, maybe it was me who was standing far off from the Lord. I know that God was watching my troubles and my inappropriate responses to them. I know that He was loving me and was not far off, but was very nearby, waiting for me to settle my heart and turn to him. It was me who tried to hide from the Lord. Oh Lord, I failed You... I forgot You... I am so sorry.
Remind me Lord, that "You know the hopes of the humble people." Release me from my pride. "Surely You will hear my cries and comfort my heart by helping me."
Join Jenny at Just a Minute in Praying the Psalms each Saturday