Do It Again

"You go back, Jack, do it again
Wheels turning round and round
You go back, Jack, do it again."
~Steely Dan

When my fourth son arrived in this world I spent a great deal of time wondering why God chose to bless me with the work of raising so many boys. In the throes of constant sports, dirt and mud, creepy crawly bugs and worms, fighting that always included a hefty amount of yelling and punching, potty talk through giggles, super-heroes and more sports, I felt my femininity get pushed to the wayside as I tried to accept and embrace everything boy. I longed for a daughter and had visions of dressing her in pink, braiding ribbons into her hair and playing Anne of Green Gables with her, but God was not giving in to my desire... yet.

I decided that the reason I was surrounded with boys was because God felt that I needed more practice being a mother to these strange and wonderful creatures. So with the birth of each son into my life it was as if God was saying, "Well, you've been doing an OK job so far, but I think you can do better. So here, have another son. Keep practicing until you're perfect. Do it again."

I don't think that God decided that after the birth of Jack that I was now a perfect parent to boys, but instead, He became exasperated and thought "Will she never learn? I give up! All right, try your luck at a girl now!" Or maybe He became bored at watching me struggle through the monotony of sameness and thought that it was high time He mixed things up a bit in the Bender household. Whatever the reason behind the ordering of my family life, it is an act of trust to believe that in God's wisdom, my family is exactly the way God meant it to be and my days are ordered according to His infinitely holy and providential will.

Still, I couldn't help but feel that God must delight in monotony and repetition. Or is it that we humans are so thick-headed that we need to wash, rinse and repeat the cycles of our lives over and over because we just can't grasp the idea that holiness grows in our ordinary daily lives filled with mundane and unpleasant tasks? Somehow I need to learn that when I let go of my plans and desires and trust in God, He will show me that through the ordinary sameness of my life He is glorified.

And so I do it again. And again.

I continue with the daily tasks of raising my boys (and daughter!) again. I crawl out of bed each morning and fall on my knees repeating the same morning offering, again. I make the coffee, again. I fold the laundry, again. I cook meals, again. I wash the dishes, again. I do the housework, again. I attend daily Mass, again. I slog my way through 30 minutes on the treadmill, again. I drive the same route to work, again. I review iron rich foods and the importance of breastfeeding with my clients, again. I check over homework, again. I fall into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, again.

And in all of those routines there is great beauty. There is joy and peace and comfort. There is God.

And so I do it again. And again. And again. And as I continue through the sameness of life I praise God for the opportunity to do all things again and again for His glory alone. And tomorrow I will wake up and do the same things all over again. I will keep practicing until I am perfect in the eyes of God.