Hold On

When my boys were little I thought that mothering was so terribly difficult.  I cried to God about weaning and toilet-training and sleepless nights and piles of laundry.  I didn't think easy would ever come along.  But somewhere along the line I forgot about the temper tantrums, the fevers, and the picky eating.  But not the piles of laundry.  The laundry always seemed to linger.

Those old trials were exchanged for new ones-homework battles, bullies and defiance became the school-aged challenges, added to the growing pile of laundry.

And now, my three oldest, well they're becoming fine young men.  I think they should be well-prepared to make their entrance into the world as independent adults, but not just yet.  I'm not quite done holding on to them and loving them through the birthing process.  I'm still laboring and I'm still doing laundry.  But this laboring, this birthing adults, has challenges of its own that I couldn't possibly foresee when I was simply (simply! ha!) pushing them out of the womb and into the earthly air.  The challenges of teaching them to drive, helping them to discern their life vocations, and walking with them through the world of women brings mothering to a whole new level of joy and sorrow intertwining.

not my actual car, but this is pretty much what it looks like now

Last weekend, on the slippery, icy roads, a car was crashed.  It was my car.  My sweet, new-to-me Hyundai Sonata with a sun-roof car that I've only owned for a year.  My first car that wasn't a van in over 20 years.  My car that was fashionable and sporty and yet could still fit groceries for a family of seven in the trunk.  My car that just had an oil change, a full tank of gas and a car wash.  I thank God that there were no injuries, but I can't help but mourn for the loss of the vehicle I loved.  Detachment is such a difficult challenge. Sometimes God has to physically pry our hands loose from the material so that He can get a message through our thick heads, doesn't He?

And today His message to me is coming through loud and clear.  That message is "Hold on.  You're not done birthing your boys yet.  The best part is yet to come-the part where they give back to you, where they hold your hand and carry you through your own trials, the payoff where you can take a little bit of satisfaction in a job well-done."

In the absence of my own car, my two oldest sons, just 19 and 20 years old, have been rising at 6 AM to take their mother to daily Mass and then drive me to work.  It's precious time, that 15 minute drive in the early morning; time when my sons can open up to me about their lives in private conversations; time when we can thank and praise the Lord together as we participate in Mass; time when they can offer the gift of their loving care and gratitude to their mother for the many sacrifices that she has made for them.  And I love it.

I don't think I'll be too hasty about shopping for a new car.  I think I'll take my time and enjoy the gift of simplicity and family love that one less vehicle in the household brings about.  And as I linger on the joyful thought of these moments of early morning time with my sons, I'll be sure to thank God for the gift of holding on for just a little while longer before they leave the nest for homes of their own.  And I might just offer that prayer of thanksgiving while I'm folding the most recent pile of laundry!  That would really be gratitude!

(Dear Reader, if you, like me, struggle to detach from your own vehicles, you might enjoy this post:  Dear Anonymous.  And make sure you read the post to which that one was responding, here, at Inside Out.

Dear Anonymous

My dear and wonderful friend Katherine, whose idea it was that I should write this blog, has a marvelous blog herself (Inside Out). She is a fabulous photographer and scrap-booker (is that the right term?) and I always enjoy reading her posts as they leave me with a smile on my face. Today her post really tugged at my heart, not so much because of the post, but because of the comment left by Anonymous. I simply must respond!












Dear Anonymous,

you are not alone. My husband had a 1985 Chevy Cavalier(looked just like the car above only blue) that he simply could not part with. The trusty car had 200,000 miles on it, and it ran great, but the body! It was rusty everywhere! The driver's door would no longer close tightly, and sometimes when I was driving and would turn the corner, the door would fly open! Thank God for seat belts or I would have fallen out! To solve that little inconvenience, my husband installed a hook and eye inside the door so it would stay shut while driving. The passenger door would not open or shut. If we wanted to prevent people from stealing the car, we had to lock the hook and eye and crawl out the hatch in back! When the people at my new job saw me doing that in a dress and laughed at me, my pride had enough. The car had to go!

One day, after my husband sold the car, he came home from work terribly excited! He found his car parked about a mile away at a local apartment building! The new owner lived nearby! It was like old times! Every day he would slowly drive past that apartment building parking lot, just so that he could look at the car and reminisce about the good old days!

Please do not feel that your sorrow over the loss of your Honda is unusual or uncalled for. Please know that you have company in your misery. I hope that some day you will find your Honda parked in a nearby lot and you can visit it every day!

Your friends, Anne and Paul

Easter Guest Post by Fr. Don Hying

I've frequently quoted my dear friend, Fr. Don Hying, on this blog. He is a fantastic writer with wisdom in his words that gives me food for thought and always satisfies my hunger for the Lord in one way or another. Fr. Don is the Rector of St. Francis de Sales Seminary in Milwaukee and writes both a monthly newsletter for the Seminary and a monthly column for the Milwaukee Catholic Herald. He is also a frequently requested guest speaker at many Archdiocesan events, and has his own radio program, "New Heart, New Spirit", on our local Relevant Radio Station. Fr. Don has given me a wonderful Easter gift; he has generously agreed to allow me to post his most recent Catholic Herald column on my blog. I am thrilled to share Fr. Don's Easter column with you and I pray that you, dear reader, will find it to be as wonderful and thought provoking as I do. It is my hope that Fr. Don will agree to become a regular guest writer at Imprisoned in my Bones.

Last year I was blessed to go to the Holy Land for the first time; the highlight of the trip was celebrating the Eucharist inside the tomb of Jesus in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. I felt like I was standing at the center of the cosmos, for this was the spot where the greatest event in the history of the world took place!

As we celebrate Easter, the Church goes back in her mind and heart to that extraordinary Sunday morning when, against all expectation, the women find the tomb of Christ empty and breathlessly run back to tell the apostles. The rising of Jesus from the dead is more than the resuscitation of a corpse; having conquered sin and death, the risen Christ now has a glorified and saving relationship with all of humanity and indeed the entire cosmos. Mistaken for a gardener, a ghost, an anonymous traveling companion, he starts appearing to Mary Magdalene, the apostles, the disciples on the road to Emmaus, 500 brothers at once. The risen Christ could not be restrained by locked doors or fearful hearts anymore than a sealed and dark tomb could hold him.

Clearly, from the day of Pentecost until the end of time, the mission of the Church is to proclaim the death and resurrection of Christ as the foundational event of human history, as the definitive salvation won for everyone through the loving plan of the Father, the obedience of the Son and the working of the Holy Spirit. In every proclamation of the Gospel, in every celebration of a sacrament, in every action of charity and mercy, the Church makes present in this time and place, for these people gathered the saving power of Jesus Christ, crucified and risen. The Acts of the Apostles testifies to the extraordinary success of this endeavor, right from the beginning of Christianity.

What are the events in our lives that serve as our spiritual foundation, those experiences that we return to time and time again in order to draw strength, inspiration and energy to move forward? The birth of children, the day of your wedding, a miraculous healing from sickness, the holy death of a loved one, a religious profession or an ordination, an unexpected moment of grace that led to conversion. All of us have those fundamental “peak” encounters with God which serve as guideposts for the rest of our life’s journey home.

The day of my ordination to the priesthood was the second greatest day of my life, (after my baptism which, like most of us, I cannot remember.) God was so real to me that day I could have reached out and touched Him. Whenever I am tired, discouraged, fearful or overwhelmed, I simply go back in my mind and heart to that glorious day and I am renewed. It is like sticking a finger into an electrical socket. The joy, promise, love and energy flow into my body, soul, mind and heart.

What ordination day is for me is what the resurrection of Jesus Christ is for the whole Church, but with one absolutely fundamental difference. We do not simply go back into the recesses of history to discover the risen Christ; he is gloriously alive, present and active in our midst within the mystery of the Church! Last October, in a presentation he gave here at the seminary, Bishop Blaise Cupich of Rapid City, South Dakota offered his assessment of the greatest problem facing the Church and his answer was not the one I was expecting. He didn’t talk about any of the crises reported in the newspapers; instead, he spoke about many Catholics’ fundamental misunderstanding that the risen Christ is truly, actively and gloriously present, right here and now, in our lives. Too often, we think and speak of Jesus as a historical figure who did great things but has passed from the scene.

How different life becomes when we expect the risen Lord to pop up somewhere in our lives every day. Assuredly, we will not recognize Him at first, just like the apostles didn’t. Probably, we will not fully understand what he is truly saying or asking of us. But when we put on the sacred lens of the resurrection, we start seeing Jesus everywhere! In that homeless man on the corner, in the splendor of the rising sun, in the gentle power of the Eucharist, in our family and friends, in the mystical truth of an El Greco painting and perhaps most surprisingly within ourselves. In God’s timetable, 2000 years is the blink of an eye, so it was just the day before yesterday that Mary Magdalene ran down the path with the astonishing news that the tomb was empty. The risen Christ lives, breathes and walks among us and within us. That Gospel should make us get up and dance! A blessed Easter!