Hold On

When my boys were little I thought that mothering was so terribly difficult.  I cried to God about weaning and toilet-training and sleepless nights and piles of laundry.  I didn't think easy would ever come along.  But somewhere along the line I forgot about the temper tantrums, the fevers, and the picky eating.  But not the piles of laundry.  The laundry always seemed to linger.

Those old trials were exchanged for new ones-homework battles, bullies and defiance became the school-aged challenges, added to the growing pile of laundry.

And now, my three oldest, well they're becoming fine young men.  I think they should be well-prepared to make their entrance into the world as independent adults, but not just yet.  I'm not quite done holding on to them and loving them through the birthing process.  I'm still laboring and I'm still doing laundry.  But this laboring, this birthing adults, has challenges of its own that I couldn't possibly foresee when I was simply (simply! ha!) pushing them out of the womb and into the earthly air.  The challenges of teaching them to drive, helping them to discern their life vocations, and walking with them through the world of women brings mothering to a whole new level of joy and sorrow intertwining.

not my actual car, but this is pretty much what it looks like now

Last weekend, on the slippery, icy roads, a car was crashed.  It was my car.  My sweet, new-to-me Hyundai Sonata with a sun-roof car that I've only owned for a year.  My first car that wasn't a van in over 20 years.  My car that was fashionable and sporty and yet could still fit groceries for a family of seven in the trunk.  My car that just had an oil change, a full tank of gas and a car wash.  I thank God that there were no injuries, but I can't help but mourn for the loss of the vehicle I loved.  Detachment is such a difficult challenge. Sometimes God has to physically pry our hands loose from the material so that He can get a message through our thick heads, doesn't He?

And today His message to me is coming through loud and clear.  That message is "Hold on.  You're not done birthing your boys yet.  The best part is yet to come-the part where they give back to you, where they hold your hand and carry you through your own trials, the payoff where you can take a little bit of satisfaction in a job well-done."

In the absence of my own car, my two oldest sons, just 19 and 20 years old, have been rising at 6 AM to take their mother to daily Mass and then drive me to work.  It's precious time, that 15 minute drive in the early morning; time when my sons can open up to me about their lives in private conversations; time when we can thank and praise the Lord together as we participate in Mass; time when they can offer the gift of their loving care and gratitude to their mother for the many sacrifices that she has made for them.  And I love it.

I don't think I'll be too hasty about shopping for a new car.  I think I'll take my time and enjoy the gift of simplicity and family love that one less vehicle in the household brings about.  And as I linger on the joyful thought of these moments of early morning time with my sons, I'll be sure to thank God for the gift of holding on for just a little while longer before they leave the nest for homes of their own.  And I might just offer that prayer of thanksgiving while I'm folding the most recent pile of laundry!  That would really be gratitude!

(Dear Reader, if you, like me, struggle to detach from your own vehicles, you might enjoy this post:  Dear Anonymous.  And make sure you read the post to which that one was responding, here, at Inside Out.

Daffodils

google images

In the midst of a snowstorm 

I remember the long forgotten daffodil bulbs 

planted last fall,

just waiting to burst forth into bloom 

at the first touch of the warmth of spring, 

and I smile. 

Like the daffodil, 

we are all waiting to burst forth

 into new life

 at the gentlest touch 

of our beloved Creator's hand.

Stretch out Your hand, O Lord! 

Bring us to new life in You! 

Re-create our souls to bring glory to You alone!

In the Time of Old Age

"Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent."  ~Psalm 71:9

“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord."  ~Leviticus 19:32

Carl from the Disney Pixar movie "Up"

The Apostleship of Prayer intention of Pope Francis for this month is that "The Church and society may respect the wisdom and experience of older people."  In a particular way, I have been challenged to help bring this intention to fruition in my own life, as my family and I are discerning how best to help our wonderful elderly neighbors of twenty-two years who have been in great need of extra care in recent months.  Don't we all know someone advanced in years who could benefit from a little extra love and attention from every possible source, whether that person seeks out the attention they desire or quietly and patiently wait for others to take notice?

Several years ago, when my children were still in Catholic grade school, we made the habit of attending the daily 7 AM Mass at our parish.  The daily Mass crowd, made up of many of the elderly members of the parish, delighted to see children at prayer, and my family quickly developed many friendships among those we'd pray with each day.  One woman in particular, Mrs. B., easily became our favorite.  Mrs. B., the mother of 13 children, treated my own family as though we, too, were her own flesh and blood.  She'd send cards and money to each of the children on their birthdays, attended their 8th grade graduation Masses and Confirmations, brought gifts at Christmas and throughout the year, and best of all, lavished us with deep embraces from  which we continue to feel the warmth to this day.  A few months ago, I attended a funeral Mass for a beloved priest from my former parish who had passed away.  I chose a discreet seat in the back of the church, and during the first song when everyone turned to the back of the church for the entrance procession, Mrs. B. spotted me, left her seat near the front, and came to sit next to me.  She held my hand for the entire Mass.  Mrs. B. is so easy to love!

But not all elderly adults exude warmth and joy so easily.  In my young adult days, early in my dietetics career, I worked as a food service director at a nursing home. Many of the residents I served seemed discontent and dissatisfied, constantly complaining and criticizing, so much so that I came to fear them, cringing as I waited to learn what it was that my staff and I were doing wrong that upset them so.  As I grew older and watched my own parents age, I came to better understand the general dissatisfaction of this generation who worked so hard their entire lives, only to struggle during their senior years as they are forced to give up all that had been important to them in this world including their material gains, their health and their relationships.  That kind of forced detachment is enough to bring out the cranky side in the kindest of souls.

Others are truly the tragic victims of elderly abuse and neglect.  After giving their entire lives over to the care of their children, they now find themselves alone, forgotten and unloved.  Facing major decisions regarding their health and their living environment, they choose to remain in the one place that brings them security-their own home.  Closed in upon themselves, their world becomes small and they are filled with fear that won't be eased.  Loneliness, regret and sorrow become their daily bread.

In this month dedicated to prayer for the elderly, I'm challenged to step out of my comfort zone, to reach out to the elderly people I know, to offer them love, affection and kindness.  Won't you join me in showing love and concern to people in their "golden years"?  Could you bring your children for a visit to your nearby nursing home and listen to the residents share stories from their youth?  Perhaps you could bring a meal to an elderly neighbor?  Might you offer a ride to church or to a doctor's appointment for someone who is no longer able to drive?  Would a gift of service doing housework or yard work for someone whose strength no longer allows them to keep up with basic chores be appreciated?

As we dedicate the month of February to prayer for those who are older and wiser than we are, let's not forget to follow that spiritual prayer with the prayer of action, and show our love for the elderly in our midst with our words and our deeds.  Life is an amazing adventure-both the good and the not-so-good parts of it, and the older and wiser people that God has placed in our paths enrich our adventure with every interaction we have with them.  Let's make sure we do our part to share in the lives of the elderly who are with us now, before they're gone, and we, too, are filled with loneliness, regret and sorrow.

Sanctuary and Sustenance

He buried his face 

in the baptismal font

slurping the holy water like a dog,

shouting incomprehensibly about

the Infant's swaddling clothes,

and when he approached the altar

the fear in our hearts

swelled at this bizarre behavior.

He was asked to leave

 the sanctuary of

church and went out

into the bitter cold.

But me, I sit

for hours upon hours

gaze shifting from

tabernacle to crucifix, 

to saintly statues and stained glass,

silently relishing

the sustenance of

the Bread of Angels

and the Cup of Salvation

before going out

on my own accord

into the bitter cold.

The Fullness of Time

 "But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman." ~Galatians 4:4

source:  google images

She was

swollen with hope

ripe with Love

abundant with grace

saturated with trust

complete with life

full of time

His time

His eternal

never-ending

always there

abiding, enduring, everlasting 

past, present and future

timeless time

He entered

through Her

for us

and we, too, 

are forever timeless

through His grace and with her yes

we exist

in the fullness of time

Comparison between the Church and Lou Gehrig's disease: A Guest Post by Fr. Benjamin Reese

Enjoy a thought-provoking post by Fr. Benjamin Reese, a priest from the Archdiocese of Milwaukee serving in Kenosha, Wisconsin.  Fr. Reese suffers from Lou Gehrig's disease and has used his current health situation to write a brilliant reflection on Holy Mother Church.  Please do keep Fr. Reese in your prayers as he prays for a reprieve from this illness so as to continue his priestly ministry.  You may want to join him in praying through the intercession of Venerable Pope Pius XII in hopes of obtaining a miracle toward the prospect of his sainthood.

My thoughts on ALS and our current crisis in the Church.

I have been praying as to why God has allowed me to develop ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease (not complaining, just wondering why ALS). The Church is the body of Christ and Jesus is the head of the Church, while the Pope functions as his Head on earth. The Head gives orders which the body should obey.

In ALS, the brain keeps working well (in my case it has always been a bit off), but the message no longer gets to the body (especially the tongue in my case). In other words, the head has thoughts which are no longer preached by the tongue, and the arms and legs don't do what the head tells them to do. Interestingly, the heart keeps working which keeps the body alive (although it finally becomes paralyzed). It would seem that the pollution of the spinal cord with bad chemicals and rogue mutant cells is what destroys the nerves and so cuts off communication and finally life.

In this way, ALS seems a perfect metaphor for the Church today. The head is working well and sending out the very same message of Christ which it has always done. We have had holy Popes and all their documents are easily accessible online. However, the message from Christ the head is no longer getting to the Body of Christ (particularly the younger members). The cultural and family environment has been polluted by the relativism and immorality of the modern world, and so the communication system (family life and Catholic education) are no longer conveying the message from Christ the Head, via the Pope, His head on earth. Indeed, many Bishops who function as heads of their own dioceses are also preaching well again today, but the body is not getting the message due to the acidic affects of modern culture on the body of Christ.

As with ALS, the cure will not be an easy one! We must reduce the cultural pollution which is blocking the message from Christ, the head, by turning off the television, violent video games, and access to impure images on the Internet. Also, Catholic education must be reformed so that the rogue mutants who are teaching heresy must be removed from Catholic schools. Bishops are starting to do this, and I have seen that parish schools and Catholic high schools and colleges are revitalized when this happens. We are blessed to already have medicine to heal the body from spiritual ALS, namely Holy Communion, Confession, and the daily Rosary. In other words, the cure is available, but people have to radically alter their life styles to bring about spiritual healing and the healing of the Church.

Finally, this helps me understand why God sent me to Pope Pius XII to pray for a cure. He was the head of the Church on earth, and he ruled it in such a way that the Church overcame modernism during his tenure. However, the level of modernism swelled in 1968, and so Pope Paul VI was not listened to and most Catholics and even many Bishops rejected his teaching on artificial birth control, which has now led to the acceptance of homosexuality.

God sent me on a pilgrimage to Rome to show that the Holy See functions as the head of Christ on earth.

I had Mass with the current Pope, who consecrated the world to the Immaculate Heart of Mary in the presence of Our Lady of Fatima. Indeed, the Fatima message shows the primacy of the Pope and gives us the final solution to overcome modernism (spiritual ALS). If Catholics make a spiritual pilgrimage to Rome (in their hearts) and listen often to the message of Pope Francis, then the Church will be healed and so will I. If the people are not willing to listen to priests who are faithful to the Holy Father, then the Church will die and so will I. People did not listen to Jesus, and they Crucified Him. Today, the Body of Christ, His Church is being crucified by us (I am a sinner too). However, when He Arose, His heart poured out rays of Mercy, and that Mercy is always there whenever we turn to Him with Trust (until death when we are judged). O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the heart of Jesus as a fount of Mercy for us, I trust in Thee! Our Lady of Fatima, pray for us! St. Joseph, pray for us! Padre Pio, pray for us! Ven. Pius XII, pray for us!

St. Joseph-The First Priest

There is a scene in the movie The Nativity Story, with Keisha Castle-Hughes and Oscar Isaac, where, immediately following the birth of Christ, a joyous St. Joseph holds the infant within his hands, raising him high in the air. 

In watching this, it occurred to me that St. Joseph was the first priest.  I was struck by the similarities between St. Joseph in the manger and the priest at the altar, both holding the living Christ within their hands, faces joyfully exultant at the wonder of His beauty and the awesome privilege of holding our very Savior in the air.  Without speaking a word, St. Joseph seems to say "Behold!  Here is the Lamb!" These are the very words that the priest voices out loud at each and every Mass.  St. Joseph was the first man to have the honor of holding Jesus close, to love and nurture Jesus within his own heart as the Catholic priest is called to do. St. Joseph shared Jesus with the shepherds and kings in the manger as the Catholic priest shares Him with the poor and the rich at Mass.  How blessed we are by the holy, obedient, faith-filled, loving example of St. Joseph!

St. Joseph, the first priest, pray for us!

Prayer to St. Joseph over 1900 years old -from Pieta prayer book

O St. Joseph whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in you all my interests and desires.  O St. Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession and obtain for me from your Divine Son all spiritual blessings through Jesus Christ, Our Lord; so that having engaged here below your Heavenly power I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the loving of Fathers.  O St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating you and Jesus asleep in your arms.  I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.  Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw My dying breath.  St. Joseph, patron of departing souls, pray for us.  Amen.