Hold On

When my boys were little I thought that mothering was so terribly difficult.  I cried to God about weaning and toilet-training and sleepless nights and piles of laundry.  I didn't think easy would ever come along.  But somewhere along the line I forgot about the temper tantrums, the fevers, and the picky eating.  But not the piles of laundry.  The laundry always seemed to linger.

Those old trials were exchanged for new ones-homework battles, bullies and defiance became the school-aged challenges, added to the growing pile of laundry.

And now, my three oldest, well they're becoming fine young men.  I think they should be well-prepared to make their entrance into the world as independent adults, but not just yet.  I'm not quite done holding on to them and loving them through the birthing process.  I'm still laboring and I'm still doing laundry.  But this laboring, this birthing adults, has challenges of its own that I couldn't possibly foresee when I was simply (simply! ha!) pushing them out of the womb and into the earthly air.  The challenges of teaching them to drive, helping them to discern their life vocations, and walking with them through the world of women brings mothering to a whole new level of joy and sorrow intertwining.

not my actual car, but this is pretty much what it looks like now

Last weekend, on the slippery, icy roads, a car was crashed.  It was my car.  My sweet, new-to-me Hyundai Sonata with a sun-roof car that I've only owned for a year.  My first car that wasn't a van in over 20 years.  My car that was fashionable and sporty and yet could still fit groceries for a family of seven in the trunk.  My car that just had an oil change, a full tank of gas and a car wash.  I thank God that there were no injuries, but I can't help but mourn for the loss of the vehicle I loved.  Detachment is such a difficult challenge. Sometimes God has to physically pry our hands loose from the material so that He can get a message through our thick heads, doesn't He?

And today His message to me is coming through loud and clear.  That message is "Hold on.  You're not done birthing your boys yet.  The best part is yet to come-the part where they give back to you, where they hold your hand and carry you through your own trials, the payoff where you can take a little bit of satisfaction in a job well-done."

In the absence of my own car, my two oldest sons, just 19 and 20 years old, have been rising at 6 AM to take their mother to daily Mass and then drive me to work.  It's precious time, that 15 minute drive in the early morning; time when my sons can open up to me about their lives in private conversations; time when we can thank and praise the Lord together as we participate in Mass; time when they can offer the gift of their loving care and gratitude to their mother for the many sacrifices that she has made for them.  And I love it.

I don't think I'll be too hasty about shopping for a new car.  I think I'll take my time and enjoy the gift of simplicity and family love that one less vehicle in the household brings about.  And as I linger on the joyful thought of these moments of early morning time with my sons, I'll be sure to thank God for the gift of holding on for just a little while longer before they leave the nest for homes of their own.  And I might just offer that prayer of thanksgiving while I'm folding the most recent pile of laundry!  That would really be gratitude!

(Dear Reader, if you, like me, struggle to detach from your own vehicles, you might enjoy this post:  Dear Anonymous.  And make sure you read the post to which that one was responding, here, at Inside Out.

Daffodils

google images

In the midst of a snowstorm 

I remember the long forgotten daffodil bulbs 

planted last fall,

just waiting to burst forth into bloom 

at the first touch of the warmth of spring, 

and I smile. 

Like the daffodil, 

we are all waiting to burst forth

 into new life

 at the gentlest touch 

of our beloved Creator's hand.

Stretch out Your hand, O Lord! 

Bring us to new life in You! 

Re-create our souls to bring glory to You alone!

In the Time of Old Age

"Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent."  ~Psalm 71:9

“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord."  ~Leviticus 19:32

Carl from the Disney Pixar movie "Up"

The Apostleship of Prayer intention of Pope Francis for this month is that "The Church and society may respect the wisdom and experience of older people."  In a particular way, I have been challenged to help bring this intention to fruition in my own life, as my family and I are discerning how best to help our wonderful elderly neighbors of twenty-two years who have been in great need of extra care in recent months.  Don't we all know someone advanced in years who could benefit from a little extra love and attention from every possible source, whether that person seeks out the attention they desire or quietly and patiently wait for others to take notice?

Several years ago, when my children were still in Catholic grade school, we made the habit of attending the daily 7 AM Mass at our parish.  The daily Mass crowd, made up of many of the elderly members of the parish, delighted to see children at prayer, and my family quickly developed many friendships among those we'd pray with each day.  One woman in particular, Mrs. B., easily became our favorite.  Mrs. B., the mother of 13 children, treated my own family as though we, too, were her own flesh and blood.  She'd send cards and money to each of the children on their birthdays, attended their 8th grade graduation Masses and Confirmations, brought gifts at Christmas and throughout the year, and best of all, lavished us with deep embraces from  which we continue to feel the warmth to this day.  A few months ago, I attended a funeral Mass for a beloved priest from my former parish who had passed away.  I chose a discreet seat in the back of the church, and during the first song when everyone turned to the back of the church for the entrance procession, Mrs. B. spotted me, left her seat near the front, and came to sit next to me.  She held my hand for the entire Mass.  Mrs. B. is so easy to love!

But not all elderly adults exude warmth and joy so easily.  In my young adult days, early in my dietetics career, I worked as a food service director at a nursing home. Many of the residents I served seemed discontent and dissatisfied, constantly complaining and criticizing, so much so that I came to fear them, cringing as I waited to learn what it was that my staff and I were doing wrong that upset them so.  As I grew older and watched my own parents age, I came to better understand the general dissatisfaction of this generation who worked so hard their entire lives, only to struggle during their senior years as they are forced to give up all that had been important to them in this world including their material gains, their health and their relationships.  That kind of forced detachment is enough to bring out the cranky side in the kindest of souls.

Others are truly the tragic victims of elderly abuse and neglect.  After giving their entire lives over to the care of their children, they now find themselves alone, forgotten and unloved.  Facing major decisions regarding their health and their living environment, they choose to remain in the one place that brings them security-their own home.  Closed in upon themselves, their world becomes small and they are filled with fear that won't be eased.  Loneliness, regret and sorrow become their daily bread.

In this month dedicated to prayer for the elderly, I'm challenged to step out of my comfort zone, to reach out to the elderly people I know, to offer them love, affection and kindness.  Won't you join me in showing love and concern to people in their "golden years"?  Could you bring your children for a visit to your nearby nursing home and listen to the residents share stories from their youth?  Perhaps you could bring a meal to an elderly neighbor?  Might you offer a ride to church or to a doctor's appointment for someone who is no longer able to drive?  Would a gift of service doing housework or yard work for someone whose strength no longer allows them to keep up with basic chores be appreciated?

As we dedicate the month of February to prayer for those who are older and wiser than we are, let's not forget to follow that spiritual prayer with the prayer of action, and show our love for the elderly in our midst with our words and our deeds.  Life is an amazing adventure-both the good and the not-so-good parts of it, and the older and wiser people that God has placed in our paths enrich our adventure with every interaction we have with them.  Let's make sure we do our part to share in the lives of the elderly who are with us now, before they're gone, and we, too, are filled with loneliness, regret and sorrow.

Sanctuary and Sustenance

He buried his face 

in the baptismal font

slurping the holy water like a dog,

shouting incomprehensibly about

the Infant's swaddling clothes,

and when he approached the altar

the fear in our hearts

swelled at this bizarre behavior.

He was asked to leave

 the sanctuary of

church and went out

into the bitter cold.

But me, I sit

for hours upon hours

gaze shifting from

tabernacle to crucifix, 

to saintly statues and stained glass,

silently relishing

the sustenance of

the Bread of Angels

and the Cup of Salvation

before going out

on my own accord

into the bitter cold.