In the world to come I shall not be asked, "Why were you not Moses?" I shall be asked, "Why were you not Zusya?"
Rabbi Zusya
“There must be a king over us.
We too must be like other nations,
with a king to rule us and to lead us in warfare
and fight our battles.”
When Samuel had listened to all the people had to say,
he repeated it to the LORD, who then said to him,
“Grant their request and appoint a king to rule them.”
1 Samuel 8:19-22
This reading has my name written all over it! I am like those people of Israel, wanting to be like everybody else. When I read the lives of the saints, I fall into despair because I am not as holy as they are and fear than I never will be. When I see that others are granted spiritual favors, I grumble in disdain because I haven’t received those same favors. I am forever dissatisfied with myself and the gifts that God has given to me, always believing that the grass is greener on the other side. It’s not the material gifts of others that I envy, but rather the spiritual gifts that are bestowed upon others that bring out that green monster of jealousy.
But God didn’t make me to pray with the perseverance of St. Monica, to fast and mortify myself like the desert monks or to write with the creative flair of Ann Voskamp. He didn’t make me to rise to the high ranks of Catholicism or to be a superstar of Christianity. God made me to be a simple wife and mother, waking each morning to the ordinary tasks of cooking, cleaning and loving. He made me to be myself and no one else. I am reminded of the words of St. Francis de Sales "Be what you are, and be it well." And by simply living each day with gratitude, accepting the life that God has given to me, I am pleasing Him immensely. All God asks of me is to accept myself and the life that He has blessed me with. I pray that I will have the humility to do just that.
My Lord Jesus, there will always be someone who is blessed with gifts that I do not have. Help me to enjoy their gifts, be inspired by their gifts, and to be drawn closer to you through their gifts. Help me to realize that the gifts with which you have blessed me are the ones you have meant for me alone and for no one else. Teach me to be grateful for what I have, for what I am able to do and for being the person you made me to be. Amen.
Nice post! Have a wonderful day!
ReplyDeleteHoly is as holy does, always remember that~
ReplyDeleteWe ALL struggle with envy~
The Saints were ordinary people who persevered and eventually overcame ordinary things~
You DO have a gift - you are a great writer and you convey a wonderful message here in your blog~
I'm listing you, with your blessing, under a new heading on my blog - Moms Like Me!
Peace!
Anne,
ReplyDeleteThis also reminds me of the second reading from Paul yesterday; different gifts given to each but all from the same God.
I join you in that prayer. Humble acceptance is not always easy for me either~ the grass is always greener and all that.
God Bless and thanks for another great post!
Anne,
ReplyDeleteI think you are incredibly gifted. I am so used to the Holy Spirit flooding me when I read your posts that I've come to expect it now. Your blog is certainly Holy Spirit inspired!
When I was first converted I used to ask "Why, Lord? Why so much suffering for me? Am I that bad?" Over time I learned that even the suffering was a gift and I started using it as a springboard to Him instead of fighting against it. I guess the important thing that I try to work on the most is charity because love is the only thing we take with us when we go. Spiritual gifts are useful but are nothing if one does not love.
You DO have spiritual gifts though. The Bible is clear on this, everyone is given gifts. It does not say "Everyone, except Anne, is given gifts of the Spirit" [lol]
Sorry, Anne, I couldn't resist;) I don't think you understand how much you touch the hearts of others.
I love your prayer - thanks for sharing. More than once I've read A Holy Experience and felt awed - and small. Now I'm going to try to remember your prayer.
ReplyDelete