In the Time of Old Age

"Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent."  ~Psalm 71:9

“You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the Lord."  ~Leviticus 19:32

Carl from the Disney Pixar movie "Up"

The Apostleship of Prayer intention of Pope Francis for this month is that "The Church and society may respect the wisdom and experience of older people."  In a particular way, I have been challenged to help bring this intention to fruition in my own life, as my family and I are discerning how best to help our wonderful elderly neighbors of twenty-two years who have been in great need of extra care in recent months.  Don't we all know someone advanced in years who could benefit from a little extra love and attention from every possible source, whether that person seeks out the attention they desire or quietly and patiently wait for others to take notice?

Several years ago, when my children were still in Catholic grade school, we made the habit of attending the daily 7 AM Mass at our parish.  The daily Mass crowd, made up of many of the elderly members of the parish, delighted to see children at prayer, and my family quickly developed many friendships among those we'd pray with each day.  One woman in particular, Mrs. B., easily became our favorite.  Mrs. B., the mother of 13 children, treated my own family as though we, too, were her own flesh and blood.  She'd send cards and money to each of the children on their birthdays, attended their 8th grade graduation Masses and Confirmations, brought gifts at Christmas and throughout the year, and best of all, lavished us with deep embraces from  which we continue to feel the warmth to this day.  A few months ago, I attended a funeral Mass for a beloved priest from my former parish who had passed away.  I chose a discreet seat in the back of the church, and during the first song when everyone turned to the back of the church for the entrance procession, Mrs. B. spotted me, left her seat near the front, and came to sit next to me.  She held my hand for the entire Mass.  Mrs. B. is so easy to love!

But not all elderly adults exude warmth and joy so easily.  In my young adult days, early in my dietetics career, I worked as a food service director at a nursing home. Many of the residents I served seemed discontent and dissatisfied, constantly complaining and criticizing, so much so that I came to fear them, cringing as I waited to learn what it was that my staff and I were doing wrong that upset them so.  As I grew older and watched my own parents age, I came to better understand the general dissatisfaction of this generation who worked so hard their entire lives, only to struggle during their senior years as they are forced to give up all that had been important to them in this world including their material gains, their health and their relationships.  That kind of forced detachment is enough to bring out the cranky side in the kindest of souls.

Others are truly the tragic victims of elderly abuse and neglect.  After giving their entire lives over to the care of their children, they now find themselves alone, forgotten and unloved.  Facing major decisions regarding their health and their living environment, they choose to remain in the one place that brings them security-their own home.  Closed in upon themselves, their world becomes small and they are filled with fear that won't be eased.  Loneliness, regret and sorrow become their daily bread.

In this month dedicated to prayer for the elderly, I'm challenged to step out of my comfort zone, to reach out to the elderly people I know, to offer them love, affection and kindness.  Won't you join me in showing love and concern to people in their "golden years"?  Could you bring your children for a visit to your nearby nursing home and listen to the residents share stories from their youth?  Perhaps you could bring a meal to an elderly neighbor?  Might you offer a ride to church or to a doctor's appointment for someone who is no longer able to drive?  Would a gift of service doing housework or yard work for someone whose strength no longer allows them to keep up with basic chores be appreciated?

As we dedicate the month of February to prayer for those who are older and wiser than we are, let's not forget to follow that spiritual prayer with the prayer of action, and show our love for the elderly in our midst with our words and our deeds.  Life is an amazing adventure-both the good and the not-so-good parts of it, and the older and wiser people that God has placed in our paths enrich our adventure with every interaction we have with them.  Let's make sure we do our part to share in the lives of the elderly who are with us now, before they're gone, and we, too, are filled with loneliness, regret and sorrow.

Length of Days

"Wisdom is with aged men, and with length of days, understanding." Job 12:12














While grocery shopping with my children recently, I was greeted by an elderly friend from daily Mass. After I stopped to converse with him a bit about the never-ending growth of my children and the frequency of my grocery store visits, we parted ways and my family and I continued with our errand.

As we gathered up the groceries, my fourteen-year-old son told me that he felt sorry for me because all of my friends are elderly. I agreed with him that it seems to be true that most of my friends and acquaintances are of an older generation, we laughed about it a bit and continued on with our chore. But upon further reflection, I focused on the fact that my son was taking pity on me for something of which I am actually quite grateful.

Many years ago, before Paul and I were married, I worked as a nursing home food service director. At that time and in that place, my opinion of the elderly was something along the lines of that held by my son. The residents for whom I worked were usually quite cross, always complaining about the food and my staff and challenging me beyond what my capabilities were at that time in my life. I was fearful of those who could no longer comprehend the realities of life, and saddened by those who could no longer perform the functions of daily living such as feeding and dressing themselves. I viewed old age as a fearful and miserable time.

But as I age, and with the passing of my own parents, I often feel like an orphan in need of the guidance that only an older and wiser generation can provide to me. Because my work and my family life keep me surrounded by babies and youth, it is actually quite refreshing to spend some time in the company of those whose demands on me are quite simple-usually a few kind words and a smile are all they need to bring a little sunshine to their day, and that is something that I can easily accomodate. My elderly friends who attend daily Mass have become a type of surrogate parents to me and I am very grateful for their presence in my life.

I have met so many wonderful elderly people who attend daily Mass with me and I am moved by the constancy of their faith and uplifted by the fact that whatever stage of life I am currently in, they have been there before me and have survived it, no matter how difficult it might have been, and they continue to smile and pray and love, and so I know that I too, will survive any difficulties that beset me and I will continue to be able to smile and pray and love.

Recently, one of my elderly friends shared a most interesting story with me. I had never met his wife as he always attends daily Mass alone, so I was surprised when he told me that he and his wife attend a bible study at her church. I boldly asked him what church his wife attended. He answered that she was Presbyterian and that this month they would be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. "Wow," I thought, "forty-five years together, each maintaining a separate religion and continuing to remain faithful to their views is an outstanding accomplishment!" Then
he shared something even more astonishing with me. He said that two of his sons are Presbyterian pastors and he is as proud of them as any father could be. "When we get together, we have some very interesting conversations," he said. "And after a couple of bottles of wine, the conversations become even more interesting!" By sharing this story with me including the obvious joy and pride that he felt, he witnessed to the faithfulness required in the vocation of marriage, and I am blessed to carry his story in my heart.

I pray that as the shadow from my own length of days grows, I too, will bring an essence of joy and pride to a younger generation, encouraging them by my example of a life lived well and a faith lived deeply.