Campfire Conversations

Moses and George Bush were riding on an elevator. George Bush recognized Moses and said "Hello." Moses ignored him. George Bush tried again but still, Moses offered no response. Finally, George Bush reprimanded Moses and said, "Don't you know it's rude not to speak to someone who is talking to you?" Moses replied, "The last time I talked to a Bush I spent 40 years in the desert!!!" (A campfire joke shared by my son John.)

On our camping vacation with our long-time friends from church, all of us friends since our teenagers were babies, we have a tradition of starting two adjacent bonfires at night-one for the adults and another for the kids, otherwise our group is too large for anyone to cozy up close enough to the warm fire.

The conversation at the adult campfire quickly turned to St. Matthias Parish, of which we have all been members for 15-20 years. The talk concerned the recent trend of emptier pews and the many reasons why we felt that families would choose to leave a parish to which they had long been members. One thought was that it is a parent's duty to make sure that their children were happy at church and the parents better do whatever it takes to insure that the little ones don't give up the faith, even if that means changing parishes. And Steve and Kathy, who have long been pillars of the parish, deeply involved in every ministry, and most currently passionately building up the youth of the parish by running the youth ministry which is affectionately called FEET (Faith Empowering and Engaging Teens), were just wanting ideas to keep those same teens who might be bored at church actively involved with their faith at the parish in which they were raised. There certainly are no easy answers and everyone is going to do what they feel is best for their family-either leave or dig in and plant the roots of faith even deeper.

So this girl who likes to send her roots down deep and stay put, changed the topic to share her love for her family minivan. Our minivan is over ten years old; it's rusty and noisy and has safely carried our family over 120,000 miles. Paul would like to trade it in for a newer and less maintenance-costly model, but I love my van-it's my daily traveling companion and I just can't bear to part with it. Sometimes it makes some strange noises, but I just turn the radio a little louder and carry on. I feel the same way about my house and my husband. I know that my van, my house and my husband, beloved though they all are, are none of them perfect. But I love them all just the same and couldn't imagine my life without them

And that's exactly how I feel about my parish. Sure, we've got troubles and problems, but if I bail, which I've often been tempted to do over the years, then I haven't done one single thing to help solve the problems, I've only selfishly run away to look for something new which I will soon find has problems of it's own.

A few years ago, when my depression was at it's most severe, God called me to begin attending daily Mass. I didn't want to go. I cried all the way to church, cried all during Mass, and then cried all the way home again. I begged God to just let me roll over and sleep for another thirty minutes. Why did He always have to drag me to church every day when I was just tired and wanted to sleep, I wondered? But somehow God's drawing me to Mass was powerful and potent and I could not resist, so there I was every day at 7 AM Mass, tears and all. Over time, I stopped complaining and dried my tears long enough to notice how beautiful that daily Mass was and before long I couldn't imagine staying away. I began to thank God for daily Mass instead of complaining about how unhappy I was to attend.

I think there's a lesson in that experience for the youth of our parish. They might not want to attend Confirmation classes, they might complain about having to dress nicely for church, they might prefer to sleep in on a Sunday morning, and they might even say that Mass is boring. But if we, as parents, continue to compel them to come through obedience, sooner or later they will stop complaining and they will find the beauty in the routine of worship and they will feel the love God has for them and will respond in wanting to give all of their love right back to the Lord. If we teach them to run away every time things become the least bit unpleasant at church or in life, then we haven't done our job in firmly teaching them the faith or given them the life skill of endurance through good times and bad.

And Steve looked over at the youthful campfire and said, "Now that's spiritual-twelve teens getting along, sharing stories with one another, even though they rarely see each other. There's a fine example of living joyfully and glorifying the Lord."

And why does that spiritual connection happen? Because even if the parents complain about the difficulties of camping such as rain, cold weather, and hard rocks to sleep on, they persevere in bringing their children on a family camping trip year after year and the children learn that there are joys and sorrows intertwined in all things, that life is a combination of ease and difficulties, and that by lovingly continuing the traditions of our faith and our lives we allow God to shine through and bring beauty and faith to all situations.

And so we stay at our parish, we continue on in our Catholic faith, we hold on to our friendships. We embrace a radical fidelity to the lives to which God has called us and in the end, He will reward our faithfulness with his abiding and eternal love.

He Leads, They Follow

"Like a shepherd he feeds his flock; in his arms he gathers the lambs, Carrying them in his bosom, and leading the ewes with care." ~Isaiah 40:11









Today's readings are terribly comforting. I can just picture a pastoral hillside in the early spring morning, dew clinging to the green, mists clearing away in the rays of bright sun, and a beautiful, caring man with tender yet work-worn hands, leading his beloved sheep in the way in which they should go. And with unfailing trust, they follow, knowing that he will never lead them astray.

But, what is even more comforting to me than the imaginary visuals I picture, is the fact that I have seen this image several times in real life, very recently.

He leads~ I received an email from one of my very dearest friends. She and another friend of hers were wondering if I knew of some local hours of adoration. After some recent discussions, they had decided that spending silent time with the Lord was just the boost that their spiritual lives needed. Adoration is something quite new to them and they wanted to give it a try, so I gladly shared some local adoration schedules with her. A few days later, my friend called me to report that her friend couldn't wait and had already gone to be alone with Jesus for an hour, and was hooked! She couldn't wait to go back, and the two of them had a date chosen in the coming days when they would attend together. A blessing! ~They follow

He leads~ Last Sunday as my family and I walked into church for the 7:30 AM Mass, I saw the sweet young teen who has asked me to be her confirmation sponsor. She was all alone, sitting near the back of church. My heart skipped a beat of joy as I embraced her and told her how happy I was to see her there. After Mass, she was working at a table, signing people up for an upcoming blood drive. It's so thrilling to see young people in action, living their faith, without any prompting from the adults in their lives, simply doing what they know in their hearts to be right and true. ~They follow

He leads~ A young woman who had lost her oldest daughter in a tragic car accident a few years ago contacted me recently. Our lives had connected through the power of the Holy Spirit with a simple poem. Since the time of her daughter's funeral, we had become email and facebook buddies, and finally, last summer, I had the honor of meeting her in person and offering her what little comfort could be given to one who continues to suffer so. Hearing her voice on the phone delivering the message she couldn't wait to share with me, was like listening to the voice of an angel. She wanted me to know that she was working on getting her life back together. She was in the process of making plans to have her two little children baptized, and, along with them, she herself wants to be baptized. She will be joining my parish and following through with the plans that God has for her life. ~They follow

Thank You, Jesus, my gentle shepherd, for allowing me to play a small part in the spiritual lives of these women who are longing for you. Perhaps I am the bell quietly ringing to let them know of your presence, maybe I am the fence that holds them together so they can't stray too far from your loving gaze or, perhaps, I am simply the silent witness, praying that You will always hold them close. No matter how You choose to use me, Lord, I thank You. But, most of all, I thank You for desiring and loving all of your little ones, and especially for loving me, the littlest one of all. Amen.

"...it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost.” Matthew 18:14

Sabbath Sunday/Witness to Grace

Fr. Christian Mathis at Blessed is the Kingdom, has a weekly day of rest MEME called Sabbath Sunday. He invites us to republish a previous post and take the day off. I wrote this particular story last winter and thought that it is very fitting to the season, so I am sharing it once again.

Witness to Grace

It was a typical morning in our household. It began with the daily frantic rush to get five kids dressed, breakfast eaten and out the door by 6:45 so we would be on time for daily Mass before school and work. I stood at the door as usual waiting for my children to make their way out the door so I could ensure that everything was locked up and secure before we left. I grimaced at the snow still piled up at the edges of the porch and along the sides of the path. I admit that I have a bit of my father in me, and I like a clean sidewalk after a snowfall. I hate thinking about tracking snow and salt in the house, and I worry about the mailman slipping as he climbs our front steps to deliver our mail. I had asked my 13 year old, Justin, who usually loves to shovel and takes it upon himself to chip away the ice without being asked, to do a better job cleaning the snow off the sidewalks the day before, to which he promptly ignored my request. Now as we were in a hurry to leave and I noticed the job was undone, I offered a snappy criticism to my son who immediately took offense at my words.

As we raced down the city streets, one eye on the clock, the other on the traffic, I could feel the beginnings of a bad day grabbing hold of my spirit. Once we arrived at church, two of the boys were arguing, my daughter, Mary, was crying about her backpack, my son, Joe, was complaining once again about why we have to attend daily Mass, and Justin was shooting me dirty looks.

I always feel that the daily Mass helps me get my day off to a good start and keeps my focus on Jesus. But today, it didn’t seem to be helping. The kids were squirming and whispering and I felt irritated rather than peaceful. Justin always has to leave Mass a few minutes early to get to his cadet post on time, and usually gives me a hug and kiss goodbye as he leaves. Not today. He left without so much as a glance in my direction. I felt the tears begin to sting my eyes, as the teenage years seemed to loom forever in the future. I was failing to feel any grace in this moment. What I was really feeling was the disgrace of self-pity. I was wondering why do I bother to drag the kids to daily Mass when they don’t appreciate it and would probably rather not be there. Why don’t I just let everyone sleep for another half hour and avoid this daily struggle? Why bother?

Then in the corner of my eye, I noticed someone new in church, someone who wasn’t part of the “regular” morning crowd of elderly people. He stood out with his long straggly hair. While I was waiting for my daughter to zip her jacket and grab her backpack, I saw this stranger talking to the priest. I heard Father give a hearty “yes!” and I watched the two of them walk together to the confessional. This was a moment of grace for that man, for the priest, and also for me, the witness. At the sight of this repentant sinner, this lost sheep, this prodigal son returning to his home, the church, my heart expanded in love. It made all of my petty complaints of this early morning feel so shallow and meaningless. My mind returned to the words of this morning’s first reading from Isaiah 41, “Fear not, I will help you. The hand of the Lord has done this; the Holy One of Israel has created it.” And I did feel helped. I could see the hand of the Lord on this man and on me. I knew I had nothing to fear, that my day would turn out all right and my teenagers would turn out all right because the hand of the Lord will see to it, and he will help us.

I went home to quickly clear the sidewalks before work with a new perspective. I know that no matter what I encounter, even icy sidewalks and rebellious teenagers, that God will help me, and I am grateful. My life is surrounded by grace, and I am simply a witness.

A Joyful Mystery on Gaudete Sunday

Our parish youth group met this past Sunday. Paul and I are on the advisory committee that helps to plan, prepare and chaperone the teens’ events. We began our Gaudete Sunday celebration by attending Mass together as a group, families and teens together. The teens were invited to carry the Rose-colored Advent Candle to the front of church during the entrance procession and to place it in the Advent Wreath. As they stood in front of church, their beautiful smiles lit up the house of prayer as much as the flames flickering on the Advent Wreath!

That evening we gathered again at church to pray at a Taize Prayer Service. During that hour of beautiful chanted hymns by candlelight, our group of 15 teens and several other family members were blessed by peaceful Taize chant and prayerful silence. As I sat in front of the Holy Family Icon, I prayed for my own family. I asked God to bless us with our own special form of holiness and I felt joy well up inside of me as I focused on my blessings, knowing that God heard my prayer and would help us to model our lives on that of the Holy Family.

As we left the church to walk over to the parish center, flakes of pure, white snow were silently falling from the night sky. I felt it was a gift from heaven, God’s own way of silently rejoicing.

Upon entering the parish center, our group decorated Christmas cookies that I had baked earlier in the week. My sixteen-year-old son, John, spontaneously arose from his chair, embraced me, and said, “I love you, Mom!” Our youth minister, standing nearby, became teary-eyed at that sight. She spoke of how her four-year-old son is very open about showing affection and she only hopes that he will continue to be affectionate well into his teen years. I cannot remember any time when I had ever felt so proud. That moment was followed by another beautiful sight, as I saw my daughter Mary climb into 14-year-old Justin’s lap to snuggle during a Christmas movie.

I know that God answered my prayer that night, and in an immediate way. My children love Paul and I, and they love each other, and there is nothing holier than that! I often ponder the mystery of how God could come to bless me with five wonderful children and a loving spouse when I so often let Him down with sin. I catch myself in mistakes over and over again, especially mistakes of harshness towards my children, and coldness towards my husband, and yet, they keep showering me with nothing but love and warmth. My family is a reflection of God’s love for me through their generous gifts of loving words and actions that they share so frequently and openly. It is a Joyful Mystery and all I can do in response is rejoice! Gaudete!

Faith Empowering and Engaging Teens (FEET)

“How can nominal Catholics demand obedience and respect from their children when they extract from their children’s hearts, especially by means of their bad example, what the catechists have worked to plant in the young hearts? These Catholics are the same ones who complain about the youth of today and blame other people for this state of affairs. Could not the children of these Catholics say-though with a different meaning-to their parents the words that the child Jesus said to his Mother in the Temple: “Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”(Lk 2:49)
Blessed Franz Jagerstatter
Letters and Writings from Prison

There has been an intriguing discussion in the blog world about teenagers living their faith. Both Judy at Benmakesten and Karinann at Daughter of the King have had some very thought provoking posts on the subject. I can’t resist joining in!

As a teenager, I was pretty wild and gave my parents more than plenty to worry about. I came from a very devout Catholic family, the youngest of nine children. I was the product of a Catholic grade school and a public high school. Although I had never left my faith, I didn’t get a lot of support in the world of my public school peers during my teen years, and more often than not, I felt the sting of ridicule from my non-Catholic friends.

Recalling how difficult those years were for me, I really dreaded the day when my own children became teens, thinking I would be in for more of a challenge than I could cope with. The news is always filled with teenagers in trouble, the malls are filled with teenagers acting rowdy, and the WIC clinic where I work is always filled with teenagers having babies. So it makes me wonder why God chose to bless me with such beautiful children who are so wonderfully different than how I remember myself as a teenager. We have our trouble to be sure, but for the most part, my children are respectful and kind and they seem to be drawn to other children of the same nature, so I am very grateful to God and I pray that it remains this way.

We are a pretty close-knit family and enjoy spending time together. I always laugh about how anytime someone in our family is involved in an activity like basketball, the whole family comes along to show support. Where one Bender goes, more are sure to follow! We move around in a pack like wolves! But I think this is what helps us to stay close and connected and aware of what is going on in our children’s lives.

But the time that they spend at school is another story. It is then that Paul and I have to trust that the efforts we’ve put into instilling our faith and our values into our children is really paying off. We pray that they will choose their friends wisely, will be treated kindly by others and will treat others kindly as well. Here’s where it gets a little sticky, because we can’t control what other children do, we can only enforce a little muscle with our own.

However, in the world of school and work, friends are important. They help us to feel loved, accepted and normal. I'll never forget the one time in my life where I leaned heavily on the friendships of others. When my children were small, I felt isolated and lonely for adult company during the day while my husband was as work. Our parish offered a "Mom's Group" where mothers and their infants and toddlers gathered together weekly to pray and socialize. I don't think I could have survived all of those temper tantrums and childhood illnesses if I didn't have friends to commisserate with and show me that all families suffer through those difficulties. It was also a great place to share the joys of mothering small ones as well. Today, I continue to share the friendship of many of these fine women. Our families continue to get together to celebrate life. We joyously greet one another with smiles at Mass. The "Mom's Group" has been a wonderful blessing in my life.

Our teenagers also need friendships outside of the family. They need to be able to choose friends that share their values, their difficulties and their joys. They need to spend time with these friends in a safe environment away from the pressures that are placed on so many teens to dapple in drugs and sex.

My husband and I, along with a group of several other adults and parents in our parish, have begun to offer a youth ministry program called FEET, which stands for Faith Empowering and Engaging Teens. We’re trying to follow up on a program that was begun last year by some college students working on an internship. We did lots of advertising and promotion, and held our first meeting this past Sunday. I was very nervous! I had no idea how many kids might show up, what we might say to them, or how enthusiastic they might be. But in my heart, I knew that it was very important to offer a safe place for our youth to gather together and share their faith.

My sons John and Justin were both involved and we were thrilled to see that over 25 other teenagers from our parish attended the meeting. This wasn’t something that their parents forced them to do, and it wasn’t part of a catechism class or confirmation preparation. This was just meant to be a program where teens would feel comfortable praying together and sharing their faith in a fun and friend-filled atmosphere. The program wasn’t meant to separate them from their families or the adults in their lives, but rather, it was meant to enhance the faith that has already been established in their households, and to help the teens develop a sense of community with one another.

Now that the first meeting has passed, it seems that my nerves were unwarranted. Our session was actually judged by all involved to be very successful! The group listened intently as Fr. Don Hying, the Rector of St. Francis de Sales Seminary spoke with them about the importance of their faith during these crucial years of their life and shared a story of his time in the Seminary. He told the group that even though he and his classmates were rambunctious, they were blessed to be free to share their faith with one another. His story caught the spirit of the FEET Program perfectly!

The participants warmly welcomed those teens who seemed a little shy and hesitant to join in the socialization.They readily volunteered to help with the first service project this December. And, they all joined in prayer with loving hearts. Many of the teens asked if we could meet weekly instead of monthly! I was so impressed with these wonderful teenagers and am so grateful to be a part of something that will help to keep them grounded in their faith.

Through this FEET Program I am reminded of the classic adage "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) And I echo the words of Blessed Franz Jagerstatter , our children belong in their Father's house, with their families and with the community of their friends, for both are important. God bless our youth!