Again...He holds my sins and failures before me...reminds me that all I need is humble love.
Why is it so hard to remember? Like a child with attention deficit disorder, His lessons go through me and disappear. I need reminders-and they always include pain.
A rebuke from my supervisor.
An argument with my son.
A little word of restraint from a friend.
I wince when I learn once again that this life is meant to include sorrow, that this journey to the perfection of heaven means that I am not perfect yet, but must continue to work towards that ideal.
And then He brings me to silence. Bowed before Him in adoration, watching the blood spill from His side, wanting so much to stop it, to cup it in my hands, to hold it forever...but it drips right through my fingers.
He wants me to stay small and to give my love to others over and over again, even when I grow weary and would rather not put any effort into loving. Like His blood that keeps on flowing, my love is meant to continuously be given to others, not pridefully kept to myself.
Humble love...grown in the silence that follows hurt pride and embarrassment...requiring restraint of tongue and abandonment of self...it's His gift to me; the one thing that I can hold on to forever, if I will only remember...
“At some ideas you stand perplexed, especially at the sight of human sins, uncertain whether to combat it by force or by humble love. Always decide, ‘I will combat it with humble love,’ If you make up your mind about that once and for all, you can conquer the whole world. Loving humility is a terrible force; it is the strongest of all things and there is nothing like it.” — Fyodor Dostoyevski
God chooses what human nature discards and human prudence neglects, out of which he works his wonders and reveals himself to all souls who believe....Jean-Pierre De Casussade, "the sacrament of the present moment"
ReplyDeleteHumble love is like the most brilliant light, for it shines forth from His Most Sacred Heart, and yes, the blood that spilled forth from His side.
Your poetry always brings tears to my eyes. Be kind to yourself my friend for you are a treasure to us all, a gift from the One above.
Move over sister! What you wrote I have lived for years. I used to cry at my many 'walls' or 'stopsigns' as I alternately call them. I'm going merrily along thinking I'm doing right or good or His Will, only to discover, it was not His Will!
ReplyDeleteI wonder though Anne if all those things we think are mistakes or bad, really are...? Could they be His ways of redirecting our paths, showing us something even better than we would have found on our own? He loves us SO much and has such incredible plans for each of our lives, I can just imagine Him wanting to reveal the gold hiding inside our own hearts. The best way to do this is by upsetting our apple carts now and then. This forces us to turn inward and *totally* rely on Him.
You are so right about humble love. Trust in Him as a child. As much as we think we love Him, it does not begin to compare to the love He has for us! Now there's a thought! ♥ ☺ ♥
What a way He has of drawing us near! God loves you, dear Anne. My recent post offers a similar reflection of inadequacy. Yet he is always there waiting with a loving embrace.
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