Shining Lights

"My beloved... Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world."  ~Philippians 2:15

Photo Credit:  Ankara Üniversitesi Doğa

I once heard a story about a woman who underwent the horrific experience of being raped.  Later, reflecting upon it, she thought about how God was within her during the entire time and she realized that the criminal was not only raping her, he was also raping God.  And looking more deeply into it, she thought about how God is within everyone, even the man who raped her, so he essentially caused God to take part in the evil action against her.  Thinking about this, realizing that God is within every single person, good and bad alike, it makes me want more than ever to be as good and holy as I can possibly be at all times because I cannot bear the thought of offending God by my thoughts and actions-not the God who lives within me or the  God who lives within others.  Through my body and soul and all of my experiences I want to offer the very best of me, to give him glory and honor in all things and contrition and repentance when I fail to live up to all of that to which He is worthy.

Thinking of this in light of the presidential elections in the United States, while I am very disheartened by the results, especially since the candidate who is the most anti-life and anti-religious freedom got the Catholic vote, I can't help but be joyful, too, remembering that God is always in control and He calls each and every one of us to bring His light of love, peace and joy to those around us.  It's really a very simple philosophy, if not always easy to live out.  We are called to be faithful in all things and if we can manage to do that, we will always remain close to His heart. 

I have been encouraged by the recent words of Archbishop Chaput:  "We are Catholics before we are Americans," but I am sorry that many Catholics don't seem to feel that way and want to make the Catholic Church into something it isn't and can never be, that is, a Church that allows death to have the last word.  For we know that in the end our Resurrected Lord will cause us all to rejoice with a hearty Risus Paschalis, an Easter laugh.  God always wins, even if there are dark days when it seems as if that is impossible.

We have to trust that no matter how evil and wicked others may seem to be through their words and actions and in their beliefs, He still shines within our souls.  It is our greatest responsibility to continue to serve Him with joy and love and to do all we can to bring others to know and love Him in such a way as to save their souls.  It's a huge and often lonely task, seemingly insurmountable.  I think about the movie For Greater Glory which portrayed the persecution of the Church in 21st century Mexico, and other horrible events in history such as the reign of Nazi terror and the ensuing holocaust of our Jewish brothers and sisters, and the rise of communism which represses faith in God.  Despite the evident hold of evil upon the hearts of many as seen in these heinous events of world history, God's faithful are plentiful and will remain firm in their beliefs.  

We are called to carry on and bring the light of Christ to those around us, even to those who refuse to accept the light.   We are to hold our heads high in following the narrow path while at the same time humbly serving those around us and doing all we can to see the God that lives within each of us while praying continually in atonement for the sins of our nation and especially for each of our individual sins.  These are the times in which saints and martyrs will be made.  Let's shine for all we're worth!  For the love of God, are you in?

Transparent

"Bury your fear in faith. Otherwise you bury your talents." ~Ann Voskamp, A Holy Experience















In the mid-winter bleakness fear overtook my heart. I considered the word transparent and suddenly I felt naked and unprotected against the elements of pride and vanity. Fear of failure and of the possibility of hurting others with my words gripped my heart with its icy fingers. For three years I pounded out my life on this keyboard for all the world to see and to know me, to really know me. Was I really writing for God, I now wondered, or was I writing for myself? And suddenly I began to feel very uncomfortable with the somebody that I was and that I put on display for the world to know. I found that when I would run into people I hadn't seen in a while I'd have nothing to tell them because they knew all about me from reading my blog. I felt a strange sort of public loneliness and emptiness. And then Lent came along so I decided to take my words and my desire to be known into the desert of privacy for a time.

And when I walked away from this blog, the devil came along. He tempted me to quit writing for good by telling me that I was self-centered, that my reasons for writing weren't valid, that I didn't really please God. He convinced me that I had made on idol out of myself with my words here. He pointed out that there are plenty of far better Catholic writers in the blogosphere to which people could turn for inspiration and information than me. He whispered in his disgustingly evil yet surprisingly believable voice that I would be better off deleting Imprisoned in my Bones and all of the words it contains and never writing again. And so little by little I began to delete posts here and there. More than half of what I wrote in January and February is now gone.

I believed him when he said that my writing wasn't really making a difference in the world, that I was only wasting my time. He pointed out how much more time I had for truly good things like caring for my family by giving them more attention, caring for my body with exercise and caring for my soul with prayer. He made sense and I easily fell for his lies. But the devil is so good at poisoning souls with despair and I could not let him have his way with me. It's true that without this blog I had much less anxiety in my life, but, without this blog I felt like an empty, shallow shell of the Anne who loved to write and share her faith, the Anne who believed that she could make a difference in the world simply by writing about her experience of God within the Catholic faith tradition.

Thankfully, I was not alone in my lenten battle against the devil because Jesus was always right by my side offering me His abiding love and grace, inviting me into the safety and warmth of His Most Sacred Heart where I was warmed and strengthened and encouraged. And He has brought me the conviction that I should continue to write, but maybe not so much. I will continue to spill my soul in a public fashion in the hope that someone, even if it's only a single someone, will be drawn to a deeper love of God through my humble words. And I will do my best to always remember that whether or not I am known, whether or not I am too transparent in my words and whether or not writing satisfies some deep need within me, the only true and holy reason for writing this blog is to share my faith with you. And if through my words I am able to inspire you to love God more fully, to pray more deeply and to live your faith more truly, then it will all be worth it. So here I am on the other side of lent laughing at the devil with a Risus Paschalis, a hearty Easter laugh. Jesus lives and I just have to tell you about it!

My prayer for you, dear reader, is that you were also able to cling to the love of God and resist the tempter during your sojourn in the lenten desert, however you may have experienced it. Let's laugh and be joyful together, my friend. Let's cast out fear and be blessedly transparent as we share our gifts because we live in the light of the risen Savior and he will make all of our deserts blossom with love!

Wishing you a joyous Easter!!! Like the Easter Candle, let us mingle with the lights of heaven, transparently spreading the joy, hope, peace and love of the Risen Christ to all!