Look For the Helpers

source:  Razoo Blog

On Wednesday,  January 22nd this world lost a good and wonderful man, Edward Slattery, to head and neck cancer, after a hard-fought battle lasting about three years.  I had written about Ed last year when there was a fund-raiser held at St. Florian Parish in West Milwaukee to help raise money to pay for the medical bills from his long-lasting cancer treatment.  Ed's story was also featured in the Milwaukee Catholic Herald, and this year, just a short time before he died, the Milwaukee Catholic Herald included Ed's story in their list of the most inspiring stories of the year.

Over the course of the last year, from the time we first learned about Ed's cancer, our family held him deep in our daily prayers. My daughter, Mary, prayed especially intensely for a miraculous healing, and she believed that God would surely help Ed to become a cancer survivor.  We had gone to visit Ed several times, and for my 12-year-old daughter, it was extremely difficult for her to see how rapidly the cancer spread and deeply he suffered.

After we received the unbelievably tragic news that Ed had died, I found my daughter hugging the family cat and overheard her talking to him, saying, "Roo, do you get God?  I think He's mean."  For Mary, the thought that God would not will for Ed's complete healing was unfathomable. I struggled to find the right way to help her to accept that God does not always answer our prayers in the way we would want or expect Him to.  I wanted her to understand that even though sad and tragic things happen in life, God is only good and only Love, and He suffers right along with us when we weep and mourn.

I thought of Mr. Rogers and his kind and gentle way of explaining everything in life.  I remembered his often quoted statement about "looking for helpers" during tragedies and I was able to comfort Mary with the fact that in the suffering that Ed endured, she was a helper. Her prayers, her visits, and her loving concern, all helped Ed to cope with his cancer, to know that he was loved, and to move toward his inevitable death with peace. God used Mary to help Ed, and Mary willingly complied with God's use of her in giving her compassion and love so generously.

It was easy to see that Ed had many such helpers along his journey with cancer.  In his life filled with selfless giving, so many others came to know and love Ed, and wanted to give back to him. He never seemed to have a shortage of helpers, most notably in his beautiful wife, Lisa.  If I were to choose an example of a perfect marriage, I would look to Lisa and Ed.  Lisa never left Ed's side for one minute during his illness. She loved him and cared for him and believed in him.  She did everything she possibly could to give him comfort and support and to promote his healing.  She relied heavily upon prayer, and despite the fact that physical healing didn't come, the prayer that she and Ed shared surely fostered a spiritual healing that carried Ed into the arms of God upon his departure from this earthly home.

When we attended Ed's funeral, we found a packed funeral home for the wake, and an even more packed church for the Mass.  There was not a dry eye to be found as Ed had touched so many lives in this corner of the world.  Some of his siblings, and all four of his young sons, all spoke about what a wonderful man Ed was, and, before the Mass ended, over 100 young men that Ed had coached in basketball, including two of my sons, stood at the foot of the altar in tribute to the man who had taught them not just how to play a game, but also how to make their way through life with perseverance, passion and hard work.

In his life, Ed had been a helper to many, and in his sickness, so many people were able to return that help to him.  Now, in his death, those helpers continue to pray for his soul and for his surviving family.

My daughter and I are learning to look for the helpers in every situation and to be willing to be a helper to all. And in our helping, we are bringing the love of God to the world around us. What an honor it is to help God, to bring his healing to those who suffer through our words and actions, to pray for those we care about and even for those we don't know so well.

Look for the helpers.  They are each of us and they are everywhere.

Eternal rest grant unto Ed Slattery, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.  May Ed's soul, and all of the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.  Amen.

The Slattery Family

Wisdom from Archbishop Fulton Sheen

“And yet at that moment when a tree of his own creation turned against Him and became a cross, when the iron of His earth reacted against Him and became nails, when roses rebelled against Him and became thorns, at that second when a sickle and a hammer combined to cut down the weeds on Calvary’s hill to erect a gallows and drive nails through hands to render impotent the blessings of love incarnate, He, like a tree which bathes in perfume the ax which kills it, lets fall from His lips for the earth’s first hearing the answer to the riddle of hate and anger: “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” ~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Ah, Fulton Sheen.  I don't think it was possible for that man to have written anything that wasn't soul-moving.  A good friend of mine recently sent me his beautiful poem, Complain! on the value of complaining to God alone.  I could use a lot of work in this area, complaining far too often to others instead of saving my sorrows for God alone, so hopefully the inspiration I feel in reading and re-reading this will become a valuable asset to my spiritual life.  Am I alone in that particular struggle?  I hope not and so I felt that this poem was too good not to pass on.  I am grateful to God for the wisdom of Archbishop Fulton Sheen.  He was, and through his writings continues to be, a great witness to the faith!

          Complain!

by:  Archbishop Fulton Sheen

God does not frown on your complaint.

Did not His Mother in the Temple ask:

“Son! Why hast thou done so to us?”

And did not Christ on the Cross complain:

“My God! Why hast Thou abandoned Me?”

If the Son asked the Father,

And the Mother the Son – “Why?”

Why should not you?

But let your wails be to God,

And not to man,

Asking not, “Why does God do this to me?”

But: “Why, O God, dost Thou treat me so?”

Talk not about God, as Satan did to Eve:

“Why did God command you?”

But talk to God, as Christ to His Father.

And at the end of your sweet complaining prayer

You will say: “Father, into Thy Hands I commend my spirit.”

You will not so much be taken down

As the thief on the left,

But be taken up as the thief

Who heard: “This day, Paradise.”

They who complain to others never see God’s purposes

They who complain to God find that

Their Passion, like Christ’s, turns into compassion.

Only He who made your wound can heal it.

The Love that tightened your bow-strings

Did so, not in hurt, but in love of music.

Do not all lovers ask in doubt: “Do you love me?”

Ask that of the Tremendous Lover

And each scar will seem a kiss!

  

God is not “way up there.”

He is taking another body – your own

To carry on the world’s redemption.

Too few offer Him a human nature

Like Mary at the angel’s call –

So He conscripts you, drafts you,

Inducts you into His Army.

Complain that your shoulders

Ache beneath your pack –

But see His  own, smarting

Under a cross beam.

Complaint to God is dialogue,

And dialogue is prayer.

Not the ready-made, packaged, memorized

Lip-service of the book and candle,

but the encounter and the union

That only lovers know!

Shining Lights

"My beloved... Do everything without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine like lights in the world."  ~Philippians 2:15

Photo Credit:  Ankara Üniversitesi Doğa

I once heard a story about a woman who underwent the horrific experience of being raped.  Later, reflecting upon it, she thought about how God was within her during the entire time and she realized that the criminal was not only raping her, he was also raping God.  And looking more deeply into it, she thought about how God is within everyone, even the man who raped her, so he essentially caused God to take part in the evil action against her.  Thinking about this, realizing that God is within every single person, good and bad alike, it makes me want more than ever to be as good and holy as I can possibly be at all times because I cannot bear the thought of offending God by my thoughts and actions-not the God who lives within me or the  God who lives within others.  Through my body and soul and all of my experiences I want to offer the very best of me, to give him glory and honor in all things and contrition and repentance when I fail to live up to all of that to which He is worthy.

Thinking of this in light of the presidential elections in the United States, while I am very disheartened by the results, especially since the candidate who is the most anti-life and anti-religious freedom got the Catholic vote, I can't help but be joyful, too, remembering that God is always in control and He calls each and every one of us to bring His light of love, peace and joy to those around us.  It's really a very simple philosophy, if not always easy to live out.  We are called to be faithful in all things and if we can manage to do that, we will always remain close to His heart. 

I have been encouraged by the recent words of Archbishop Chaput:  "We are Catholics before we are Americans," but I am sorry that many Catholics don't seem to feel that way and want to make the Catholic Church into something it isn't and can never be, that is, a Church that allows death to have the last word.  For we know that in the end our Resurrected Lord will cause us all to rejoice with a hearty Risus Paschalis, an Easter laugh.  God always wins, even if there are dark days when it seems as if that is impossible.

We have to trust that no matter how evil and wicked others may seem to be through their words and actions and in their beliefs, He still shines within our souls.  It is our greatest responsibility to continue to serve Him with joy and love and to do all we can to bring others to know and love Him in such a way as to save their souls.  It's a huge and often lonely task, seemingly insurmountable.  I think about the movie For Greater Glory which portrayed the persecution of the Church in 21st century Mexico, and other horrible events in history such as the reign of Nazi terror and the ensuing holocaust of our Jewish brothers and sisters, and the rise of communism which represses faith in God.  Despite the evident hold of evil upon the hearts of many as seen in these heinous events of world history, God's faithful are plentiful and will remain firm in their beliefs.  

We are called to carry on and bring the light of Christ to those around us, even to those who refuse to accept the light.   We are to hold our heads high in following the narrow path while at the same time humbly serving those around us and doing all we can to see the God that lives within each of us while praying continually in atonement for the sins of our nation and especially for each of our individual sins.  These are the times in which saints and martyrs will be made.  Let's shine for all we're worth!  For the love of God, are you in?

To Feel the Pain

"Remember that to reach the Resurrection, one must always climb Mt. Calvary. No one has ever (or will ever) come up with another way to salvation.

You will never know the depth of your own soul, unless you are willing to climb down deep into it and sit there for a while. It is there, sitting in the muck and sludge of our own sinfulness, our own humanity, our own brokenness, that we come to know the saving power of Jesus Christ." ~Deacon Ryan Preuss

I recently met with a woman at work who was pregnant with her fourth child. She told me that her three sons were all incredibly easy to deliver; she just showed up at the hospital and before she knew it she was holding a beautiful baby boy in her arms without having experienced any real pain. I marveled at that and considered her to be very fortunate as labor pains are hardly something that a woman relishes about having a baby. But she disagreed with my point of view. She said that with this baby she was hoping for a long labor and wanted to feel all of the pain. She wanted to experience and savor every moment of the pregnancy, labor, delivery and parenting of her child.

Thinking about her response made me realize the value of her words. Our lives were meant to be fully experienced and savored, but without the pain which is a natural part of life, how can we fully appreciate the joys?

Recently I had the wonderful opportunity to spend some time with some good friends who generously host occasional parties in an old barn that has been converted to a gymnasium complete with basketball hoops, trampolines, slides, rope swings and a foam pit. Don and Anne kindly invite the teen boys, including my sons, who participate in the St. Francis de Sales Seminary camps for boys discerning the priesthood, to come and release some pent up energy while re-connecting with their friends that they met at the camps. They will often invite some priests and seminarians to join us and they ask them to offer a little reflection for the boys to ponder. At this most recent gathering we were joined by Deacon Ryan Preuss and seminarian Kurt Krauss who shared their experiences of the World Youth Day Pilgrimage in Madrid, Spain, with us.

It seems that neither of these young men had a joyous and perfect experience on their pilgrimage, in fact, hardship and difficulty seemed to be the defining description. They spent nights sleeping outside on the cold, hard ground in clothes that were soaking wet from the rain, they suffered the effects of sitting closely with crowds of pilgrims from around the world, they went without eating, they lost members of their groups and were barred from entering the tent for the final Mass with the Pope. Deacon Ryan commented that in some cases it almost felt like purgatory as his group was standing outside of a tent where Eucharistic Adoration was taking place and there was a huge sign that said "Welcome" but they weren't allowed inside because the tent was overcrowded. Yet, in all of their remarks they both overwhelming stated that their pilgrimage was a reflection of the Christian life overall. Life isn't meant to be easy, things aren't always supposed to go as planned, there is no guarantee that we will always be happy; and they wouldn't have it any other way. Because in the challenges and difficulties as well as in the joys and successes, we find God at work, changing us, refining us, loving us.

When my struggles with depression were at their worst, my son Joe, who was often most distraught to see his mother suffering and astutely noticed that the timing of my psychological breakdown coincided with a deeper conversion into my Catholic faith, would often complain and ask, "Mom, why is it that ever since you became a Jesus freak, you have been miserable? Why would anyone want to turn to God if doing so makes you so unhappy?" And in my sorrow, I couldn't clearly think of a response other than to reiterate how much I love Jesus and that my depression was not His fault, but just a part of life; but my words felt lame and inadequate and nothing that I could say to him in response to his question would satisfy him. I was at a loss for an explanation and his words cut me to the quick. In fact, there were many times when I joined in Joe's complaint and put his same questions in prayer to God. But here, in the words of Deacon Ryan and Kurt, and in the viewpoint of the expectant mother, the answer became crystal clear; we aren't meant to escape the pain, we are meant to feel the pain and to endure in our faith despite the suffering we may feel.

To feel the pain is to allow God to work in your life, to let Him draw you closer to His love through the entire experience of life, both the painful and the pleasant moments. If we want to follow Christ, we must travel through the trials of the cross, trials which will manifest themselves differently for each of us, before we can reach the glories of the resurrection. If we really want to bear the name Christian, then like St. Therese we must say "I choose all!" and learn to carry on and work through the pain so that one day, we will be able to fully embrace the joys of heaven. There is no "easy out," we must strive to accept the fact that despite the hardness of life, God will never abandon us and our lives have a deep and meaningful purpose that will only make sense to us when we leave this life for our final destiny where we will then clearly see that all of the suffering we endured on earth was meaningful and beautiful, and God used it all for His glory in the mystery of His plan. In the words of Pope John Paul II from Salvifici Doloris, "in whatever form, suffering seems to be, and is, almost inseparable from man's earthly existence." We were born to feel the pain and to remain faithful despite our suffering. Our call as Christians is to unite our suffering with the suffering of Christ and in our pain, however minor or horrific it may be, we will be assisting God as He redeems our souls and those of the whole world.

The Puzzle of Suffering-A Guest Post by Vicki Thorn

My friend Danette recently called me to tell me about her cousin who inexplicably lost her first baby two weeks before she was due to be born. I just cannot fathom the anguish of that type of suffering and feel at a loss as do many people when confronted with the deep suffering of others, and all I can do is pray. Won't you please join me in praying for baby Madison and her family?

My friend, Vicki Thorn, has recently written these healing and helpful words at Headline Bistro's Website and the story was carried on the Archdiocese of Milwaukee's Website where I found it. I am so grateful to Vicki for her words of wisdom and for her generosity in sharing them. Vicki is the Founder of the National Office for Post Abortion Reconciliation and Healing and Project Rachel.

The Puzzle of Suffering

Recently I was asked to speak about the meaning of human suffering. As life happens, I had to leave the conference right after my talk to attend the funeral of my friends’ 25-year-old son, Tim, who had been found comatose on Easter Sunday and died the next day, after becoming an organ donor and saving five lives. Millions of unanswered questions plague us at times like this, and the church was filled to overflowing – more than 700 people gathered together to grieve.

Isn’t it interesting that suffering is the one experience we would all rather pass on? It struck me that, at the same time, suffering is also a uniquely human experience. An animal will feel pain, but it will not experience the mental anguish that attends human suffering in its many forms, whether physical, psychological or spiritual. Even Jesus prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will but as thou wilt.”

We read in the writings of the saints that suffering is ever present. Blessed John Paul II was shaped by suffering, when as a boy he lost his mother, his brother, and then his father. As a young man he experienced the sufferings of the Polish people. As Holy Father, he survived the assassin’s bullet and lived with physical challenges for many years; in old age, he showed us all how to suffer as Parkinson’s disease assaulted his being.

At the time of his conversion, Ignatius of Loyola was recovering from a wounded leg and, in his boredom, had only the Bible and the lives of the saints to read. Mother Theresa suffered the Dark Night of the Soul, as did John of the Cross. St. Margaret Mary and Padre Pio, as well as multitudes of other saintly people, experienced physical suffering of frail bodies and disease, and unseen mental and spiritual anguish from difficult marriages, loneliness and death.

In his encyclical on suffering, Salvifici Doloris, Blessed John Paul II wrote that “suffering must serve for conversion, that is, for the rebuilding of goodness in the subject, who can recognize the divine mercy in this call to repentance … Its purpose is also to strengthen goodness both in man himself and in his relationships with others and especially with God” (Sec. 13).

How true it is that it is in suffering that God breaks through to us – or maybe we break through to God. When we no longer feel in control, we may turn to the Lord, and I think there is a possibility of real conversation in those moments.

In Scripture, the Lord says we should be like little children before him. As a mother of six, I’ve thought a lot about this command, and here’s what I’ve concluded: We often seem to think that means we are to be angelic and pious, with our hands folded and our eyes downcast. But I will tell you that does not describe my children when they were little! Rather, they were noisy and sometimes angry, stomping their feet and whining or complaining. Other times they were full of love and hugs.

I think that is the invitation from the Lord – to be authentic human beings with all our feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly. God invites us into relationship with him, and it is when things are not so good that we are more willing to speak what is in our hearts. We often complain about not feeling his presence, but in reality we keep the door of our heart closed. We need to give God permission to heal us or help us – but our heart must be opened from the inside.

It is also the case that the suffering of others is an invitation for us to reach out.

“[T]he Good Samaritan of Christ’s parable does not stop at sympathy and compassion alone,” Blessed John Paul II explained in Salvifici Doloris:

They become for him an incentive to actions aimed at bringing help to the injured man. In a word, then, a Good Samaritan is one who brings help in suffering, whatever its nature may be. Help, which is, as far as possible, effective. He puts his whole heart into it, nor does he spare materials means. Here we touch upon one of the key-points of all Christian anthropology. Man cannot “fully find himself except through a sincere gift of himself.” A Good Samaritan is the person capable of exactly such a gift of self … (Section 28)

The mystery of suffering is that it can become our treasure – that it calls us to become people of hope. It changes our life, dispels our self-satisfaction, puts us in touch with our frail humanity and can reconfigure us more closely to the suffering Lord. It calls us to understanding of our suffering brothers and sisters as it challenges us to become the Good Samaritan. It is in our response that the glory of God’s love and mercy is made manifest to the world!

Rest in peace, Tim! Our loss of you brought us together to journey in our suffering.

Bearing the Wounds

Ever since the Feast of St. Francis of Assisi on October 4th, a quote has been running through my mind; it comes from my dear friend, Fr. Jim Kubicki, SJ, and is in regards to the stigmata which marked the body of St. Francis.

"All of us are called to bear in our bodies the wounds of Christ. They may be wrinkles of parents who worry about their children, or bodies worn out from laboring to support our families. The marks of love, visible or invisible, should be there in those who bear the name Christian and who witness through their love to the love of God."

And then, this week, one of my favorite blogs, Just A Minute ran a beautifully heartfelt story about the illness of a loved one. It moved me deeply and exemplified Fr. Jim's quote so perfectly. I encourage you to visit Jenny's blog and read and reflect upon her lovely words in "He Suffers."