Look For the Helpers

source:  Razoo Blog

On Wednesday,  January 22nd this world lost a good and wonderful man, Edward Slattery, to head and neck cancer, after a hard-fought battle lasting about three years.  I had written about Ed last year when there was a fund-raiser held at St. Florian Parish in West Milwaukee to help raise money to pay for the medical bills from his long-lasting cancer treatment.  Ed's story was also featured in the Milwaukee Catholic Herald, and this year, just a short time before he died, the Milwaukee Catholic Herald included Ed's story in their list of the most inspiring stories of the year.

Over the course of the last year, from the time we first learned about Ed's cancer, our family held him deep in our daily prayers. My daughter, Mary, prayed especially intensely for a miraculous healing, and she believed that God would surely help Ed to become a cancer survivor.  We had gone to visit Ed several times, and for my 12-year-old daughter, it was extremely difficult for her to see how rapidly the cancer spread and deeply he suffered.

After we received the unbelievably tragic news that Ed had died, I found my daughter hugging the family cat and overheard her talking to him, saying, "Roo, do you get God?  I think He's mean."  For Mary, the thought that God would not will for Ed's complete healing was unfathomable. I struggled to find the right way to help her to accept that God does not always answer our prayers in the way we would want or expect Him to.  I wanted her to understand that even though sad and tragic things happen in life, God is only good and only Love, and He suffers right along with us when we weep and mourn.

I thought of Mr. Rogers and his kind and gentle way of explaining everything in life.  I remembered his often quoted statement about "looking for helpers" during tragedies and I was able to comfort Mary with the fact that in the suffering that Ed endured, she was a helper. Her prayers, her visits, and her loving concern, all helped Ed to cope with his cancer, to know that he was loved, and to move toward his inevitable death with peace. God used Mary to help Ed, and Mary willingly complied with God's use of her in giving her compassion and love so generously.

It was easy to see that Ed had many such helpers along his journey with cancer.  In his life filled with selfless giving, so many others came to know and love Ed, and wanted to give back to him. He never seemed to have a shortage of helpers, most notably in his beautiful wife, Lisa.  If I were to choose an example of a perfect marriage, I would look to Lisa and Ed.  Lisa never left Ed's side for one minute during his illness. She loved him and cared for him and believed in him.  She did everything she possibly could to give him comfort and support and to promote his healing.  She relied heavily upon prayer, and despite the fact that physical healing didn't come, the prayer that she and Ed shared surely fostered a spiritual healing that carried Ed into the arms of God upon his departure from this earthly home.

When we attended Ed's funeral, we found a packed funeral home for the wake, and an even more packed church for the Mass.  There was not a dry eye to be found as Ed had touched so many lives in this corner of the world.  Some of his siblings, and all four of his young sons, all spoke about what a wonderful man Ed was, and, before the Mass ended, over 100 young men that Ed had coached in basketball, including two of my sons, stood at the foot of the altar in tribute to the man who had taught them not just how to play a game, but also how to make their way through life with perseverance, passion and hard work.

In his life, Ed had been a helper to many, and in his sickness, so many people were able to return that help to him.  Now, in his death, those helpers continue to pray for his soul and for his surviving family.

My daughter and I are learning to look for the helpers in every situation and to be willing to be a helper to all. And in our helping, we are bringing the love of God to the world around us. What an honor it is to help God, to bring his healing to those who suffer through our words and actions, to pray for those we care about and even for those we don't know so well.

Look for the helpers.  They are each of us and they are everywhere.

Eternal rest grant unto Ed Slattery, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him.  May Ed's soul, and all of the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.  Amen.

The Slattery Family

Achieving Graciousness

"Trials are medicines which our gracious and wise physician prescribes because we need them; and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires."  ~John Newton

After coping with several unusually stressful situations beginning last summer and culminating near the end of the year, I found that I could no longer hold my head reasonably high and carry on  with a smile on my face but was, instead, caving to despair.  Unlike Job, when tested, I resorted to tears and anger instead of faithfully trusting in the Lord's providence and love for me.  I could not make myself say "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."  I was feeling pretty ugly.  I was acting even uglier.  I could not seem to summon up hope, trust or faith.  Prayer was practically non-existent.  The Holy Spirit must have been working overtime in my soul, praying for me along with my beautiful family and friends who are always so generous in prayer.

"The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."  ~Psalm 145:8

And then, through the example of several people who were graciously suffering through their own trials,  God showed me that it was not so much hope, trust or faith that I lacked, but rather it was graciousness that was in short supply in my disposition.

"To bear defeat with dignity, to accept criticism with poise, to receive honors with humility-these are marks of maturity and graciousness."  ~William Arthur Ward

The first example that God showed me was the beautiful witness of Ed and Lisa Slattery, the parents of four sons who have been coping with Ed's cancer diagnosis with bravery and joy.  This past Friday, some of their friends and family members hosted a fish fry benefit for the Slattery's that was attended by what seemed to be more than 1000 people who love and admire the family and wanted to help them.  Events like that cannot be successful for people who are stingy in the virtue of graciousness.  It was easy to see that Ed and Lisa abound in graciousness and it is returned to them in abundance.  You can read about Ed and Lisa's story of graciousness through suffering here in my previous post and here at the Milwaukee Catholic Herald.

"Gracious words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."  ~Proverbs 16:24

The next example of graciousness came through the words of a child.  My daughter Mary plays sixth grade basketball.  After years of watching my four sons play, I am often struck by how vicious girls seem to play compared to boys.  In their efforts to steal the ball away from their opponent, girls do an excessive amount of grabbing, clawing, scratching and elbowing.  It's often as painful to watch as it must be to play.  In one of her most recent games, a girl on the opposing team was knocked down to the ground and sat there in pain, crying loudly as she held her shoulder.  It was thought that she might have dislocated the limb and she sat on the bench with an ice pack for the remainder of the game.  At the end of the hard-fought competition, my daughter's team lost the game.  And the girl who was injured walked over to my daughter and simply said, "Your team plays very well."  What a lovely example of gracious behavior!

"Now when Jesus had come into Peter’s house, He saw his wife’s mother lying sick with a fever. So He touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served them."  ~Matthew 8:14-17

Finally, last weekend when my family and I attended Mass, I was deeply affected to see a friend who was sitting in front of me sobbing uncontrollably.  Several people, including the pastor, came to offer her words of comfort and prayer before Mass.  Two of her four children were participating in the liturgy, her thirteen-year-old daughter in the choir and her sixteen-year-old son assisting the little ones at the Children's Liturgy of the Word.  My friend was surrounded by family members who were holding her and crying with her.  It wasn't until the Prayer of the Faithful that I understood what was wrong.  At the prayer for those who have recently died, her husband's name was included.  After Mass, as many parishioners gathered around her to embrace her and offer condolences, she shared the fact that her husband had died the day before and they were all in a state of shock as his death was quite sudden and unexpected.  I couldn't help but be overcome by the graciousness of a family in grief, coming to Mass and worshiping with their parish, continuing in their acts of liturgical service, allowing those who love them to accompany them in their grief.  I thought of Peter's mother-in-law, who, once she was touched by Christ, continued in service to others despite her recent illness.  Joining with communal worship despite deep sorrow is gracious indeed.

"Realize that when you get older, you either get senile or become gracious.  There's no in-between.  You become senile when you think the world short-changed you, or everybody wakes up to screw you.  You become gracious when you realize that you have something the world needs, and people are happy to see you when you come into the room."  ~Carlos Santana

I am grateful for these examples of graciousness in difficulty and I pray that God will continue to convert my heart to graciousness so that like the Slattery family, the girl on the basketball team and the family in grief, I may always choose to be gracious to others, freely sharing my gifts and thereby reflecting my Christian faith and love for others despite any pain that may come my way.  After being witness to these examples of graciousness, I found that I could once again lean upon God in prayer, I could summon up the hope, trust and faith that I thought I lacked, and I learned that I, too, can be an example of graciousness for others.  The world is a beautiful place, full of blessings and the wonders of God. When we choose to focus on the good within life instead of the negative we can all become examples of His goodness and His graciousness to those around us. 

"The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." -Numbers 6:24-26

Here is God

"In life we do many things, say many things, but the voice of suffering offered out of love - which is perhaps unheard by and unknown to others - is the loudest cry that can penetrate Heaven" 
~Chiara Lubich

In my previous post I asked the question "Where are you God?"  I've since learned that when we ask a question of God we had better be prepared to hear an answer, for God did answer my question, not just in the quiet of my silent home at night, but also in a very profound way, through the witness of a faithful couple who are undergoing the effects of cancer and the changes that this diagnosis has brought to their lives.

My family is made up of early risers and we usually attend the 7:30 AM Mass on Sundays at our parish, but  my son John was asked to cantor at the 9 AM Mass this past weekend, so we all slept in a bit to attend the later Mass together.  The church was full of familiar faces that we hadn't see in many years since we started routinely attending the earlier Mass.

After Mass many of the worshipers headed down to the church hall for "Hospitality Sunday"  which is an opportunity to socialize with others while enjoying coffee and donuts.  On this particular Sunday, the Home and School Association was also sponsoring a hot ham and roll/bake sale to raise funds.

My family and I sat with some old friends that we hadn't seen in a while and we were enjoying catching up with each other.  Soon we were joined by our pastor, Fr. Dave, who had purchased some of the ham and rolls and was generously and lovingly serving it to my family.  It felt so good to be in the presence of family and friends, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company.  Then as the hall started to clear out a bit I saw them in the corner of my eye: Ed and Lisa Slattery, that is.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philipians 4:13

My family and I have known Ed and Lisa for the past ten years.  Ed has been the basketball coach for my sons, John and Jack, and they both learned so much under Ed's guidance.  We have spent many enjoyable hours sitting in the gym watching Ed pace back and forth and calling out "Bender! Bounce pass!" or "Bender!  Shoot!" or "Bender!  Dribble!"  Ed has devoted countless hours to teaching not only his own four sons, but many other boys as well, the skills necessary to play a good game of basketball, and there are many families, including my own, that are deeply grateful to him for selflessly sharing his passion for the sport with their sons.

But now Ed is in need of much prayer as he was diagnosed with cancer of the throat.  After initial treatments,  he was recently diagnosed for a second time.  It's a heartbreak not only for Ed and Lisa and their fine four sons, but also for everyone who knows Ed.

Paul and I had a blessed opportunity to sit and speak with them before heading out for the day.  Ed sat with a half-eaten donut that was too dry for him to manage to swallow since his face is now half-paralyzed.  His voice, barely audible, was a small echo of the robust shouts we remember hearing on the basketball court.

Lisa, a beautiful woman of great strength and deep love, spoke about the countless hours that they spend in doctor's offices these days.  She talked about how they scramble to get his medical care appointments arranged around both of their work schedules, the work that is more necessary than ever to pay for their medical bills. But they didn't only speak about Ed's health.  Both Ed's and Lisa's eyes just shone with pride as they spoke about their boys, particularly their two oldest who both attend UW-Madison.  Lisa, in particular, spoke of what a blessing it is to see that their Catholic faith still plays an important role in the  lives of her adult sons as the campus offers an abundance of opportunities available to them.

But her eyes quickly filled with tears as Ed showed us the gift that Lisa gave him for their most recent anniversary.  It was a ring that said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  He mentioned that wearing it to work has allowed him to witness to the faith with his co-workers.  But Ed didn't dwell on his health for long before the conversation quickly turned to his passion, teaching boys to play basketball, and both Ed's and Lisa's faces lit up with joy.

As we sat and visited with Ed and Lisa, I was overcome with, not sadness, but joy.  It was so easy to see that this couple has accepted the cross which has been laid upon their shoulders and they see each day as an opportunity to care for each other and their children with love and grace.  So here was God, not just passing by but sitting directly across from me.  Here was God in this beautiful and strong and faith-filled couple.   Here He was, showing me what it means to trust, to hope and to love.  Here was God living in Ed and Lisa Slattery and here were Ed and Lisa witnessing to God's loving presence through their every word and action.  It was a moment of unmeasurable blessing.

There will be a benefit fish fry and silent auction to financially aid the Slattery family this Friday, January 25th at St. Florian's Parish in West Milwaukee from 5-10 PM.  Details are below.  If you are in the Milwaukee area, please consider attending to help this wonderful family.  And please, no matter where you are, will you offer a prayer for Ed's healing and for all of the family's needs during this difficult time?

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Hundreds of young athletes from Milwaukee, West Allis, Whitnall, and Greenfield have benefited from the thousands of hours Coach Slattery has dedicated to them over the last 15 years.  Unfortunately Ed, Coach Slattery, has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time.  As he fights through this challenge Ed and his family can use our help.

If you know Ed, you know him as a committed coach, great co-worker, dedicated husband and proud father of four.

A benefit dinner and silent auction with DJ is planned to financially aid the Slattery family.

ED SLATTERY BENEFIT FISH-FRY 
AND SILENT AUCTION
Come to:
St. Florian Parish
1233 South 45th Street Milwaukee, WI 53214
 (1 block North of Greenfield Ave. on 45^th St.)
Friday January 25^th, 2013
Benefit:  5:00 PM until 10:00 PM (FISH FRY 4 - 7)
Voted Best Fish Fry by the readership of the Catholic Herald

Donation: Adults $20.00 and Children $10.00 (12 & under)
Tickets available at the door 
All proceeds will benefit the Slattery family during Ed’s treatment and recovery.
SORRY, DONATIONS ARE NOT TAX DEDUCTABLE.