Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Last Winter I spent many bitter moments shedding tears of sorrow and depression, so when the joy finally arrived to my heart late this Spring, I was most grateful to brush aside those wet streaks that were forever running down my cheeks and replace them with the wrinkles of a smile. This morning, for the first time in months, I felt the tears hovering at the brim of my eyes once again, but this time, I didn’t quickly wipe them away and I felt no embarrassment over them, for I recognized that they were not tears of sorrow, but rather, they were tears of a different sort; they were tears of gratitude for a life full of living and full of love. I gladly let these tears linger, for I knew they were a most special prayer offered to my God who brought me out of the depths and into the light.
In this year when I am learning to accept whatever crosses or blessings that God chooses to bestow upon me, I choose to list these blessings which I have gratefully accepted and for which I am pleased to let the water of sacred tears fall.
-for a thriving and lush backyard garden abundant in blackberries, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, eggplant and peppers
-for the presence of Mr. C at daily Mass after a long absence due to illness. His smile that shone through his pain as he entered the church was a bright spot in my day, and as I watched him struggle to change posture from sitting, to kneeling to standing, I was reminded of our beloved Pope John Paul II from whom we learned so much about the joy that is found within great suffering.
-for the lovely sight of Deacon Christopher Klusman standing like an angel at the altar beside Fr. Dave
-for newly ordained priests and deacons who lift up spirits with their fresh perspectives on the Gospel
-for the opportunity to serve families in need each day, and hopefully make a difference in their lives, bring a little love to their hearts and comfort to their weary souls. Today my heart goes out to a twenty-one year old single mother with four children under the age of five. I remember a time when my four oldest children were all five years old and younger, and I know how hard it is to get through each day, so I am also grateful…
-for my loving husband who has been right by my side every step of the way as we parent our five children together. He does so much…he loves so much, and I know that I could not manage without him
-for our sweet little guinea pig, Daisy, who lets me hold her in the evenings and find comfort in stroking her soft fur. It’s stress relief without the calories of chocolate!
-for my daughter who is taking on the cleaning chores at home this summer to relieve me of some efforts at the end of long and busy days at work
-for the job opportunities which came to my three oldest sons this summer, all through connections at our parish…
John is working full-time at the parish cleaning, doing yard work and general maintenance, Justin is busy mowing lawn for some of the elderly parishioners, and Joe has been asked to assist Fr. Dave with some office chores…
Their employment is a great blessing and I hope that my boys will see that their attendance at daily Mass and all of their service to the parish has provided immediate temporal benefits as well as the many spiritual benefits that will hopefully come in the future
For all of these gifts I am so very thankful, but the one gift which stands out among my list of acceptance, and the one that surprises me the most when I realize that I truly am grateful for it, since I had spent the Winter months bemoaning it, is the gift of tears, sweetly dripping from the corners, blurring my vision of this present reality while clarifying my vision of the joys to come in His kingdom.
“It’s such a secret place, the land of tears.” Antoine de Saint-Exupery