Achieving Graciousness

"Trials are medicines which our gracious and wise physician prescribes because we need them; and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires."  ~John Newton

After coping with several unusually stressful situations beginning last summer and culminating near the end of the year, I found that I could no longer hold my head reasonably high and carry on  with a smile on my face but was, instead, caving to despair.  Unlike Job, when tested, I resorted to tears and anger instead of faithfully trusting in the Lord's providence and love for me.  I could not make myself say "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."  I was feeling pretty ugly.  I was acting even uglier.  I could not seem to summon up hope, trust or faith.  Prayer was practically non-existent.  The Holy Spirit must have been working overtime in my soul, praying for me along with my beautiful family and friends who are always so generous in prayer.

"The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."  ~Psalm 145:8

And then, through the example of several people who were graciously suffering through their own trials,  God showed me that it was not so much hope, trust or faith that I lacked, but rather it was graciousness that was in short supply in my disposition.

"To bear defeat with dignity, to accept criticism with poise, to receive honors with humility-these are marks of maturity and graciousness."  ~William Arthur Ward

The first example that God showed me was the beautiful witness of Ed and Lisa Slattery, the parents of four sons who have been coping with Ed's cancer diagnosis with bravery and joy.  This past Friday, some of their friends and family members hosted a fish fry benefit for the Slattery's that was attended by what seemed to be more than 1000 people who love and admire the family and wanted to help them.  Events like that cannot be successful for people who are stingy in the virtue of graciousness.  It was easy to see that Ed and Lisa abound in graciousness and it is returned to them in abundance.  You can read about Ed and Lisa's story of graciousness through suffering here in my previous post and here at the Milwaukee Catholic Herald.

"Gracious words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."  ~Proverbs 16:24

The next example of graciousness came through the words of a child.  My daughter Mary plays sixth grade basketball.  After years of watching my four sons play, I am often struck by how vicious girls seem to play compared to boys.  In their efforts to steal the ball away from their opponent, girls do an excessive amount of grabbing, clawing, scratching and elbowing.  It's often as painful to watch as it must be to play.  In one of her most recent games, a girl on the opposing team was knocked down to the ground and sat there in pain, crying loudly as she held her shoulder.  It was thought that she might have dislocated the limb and she sat on the bench with an ice pack for the remainder of the game.  At the end of the hard-fought competition, my daughter's team lost the game.  And the girl who was injured walked over to my daughter and simply said, "Your team plays very well."  What a lovely example of gracious behavior!

"Now when Jesus had come into Peter’s house, He saw his wife’s mother lying sick with a fever. So He touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served them."  ~Matthew 8:14-17

Finally, last weekend when my family and I attended Mass, I was deeply affected to see a friend who was sitting in front of me sobbing uncontrollably.  Several people, including the pastor, came to offer her words of comfort and prayer before Mass.  Two of her four children were participating in the liturgy, her thirteen-year-old daughter in the choir and her sixteen-year-old son assisting the little ones at the Children's Liturgy of the Word.  My friend was surrounded by family members who were holding her and crying with her.  It wasn't until the Prayer of the Faithful that I understood what was wrong.  At the prayer for those who have recently died, her husband's name was included.  After Mass, as many parishioners gathered around her to embrace her and offer condolences, she shared the fact that her husband had died the day before and they were all in a state of shock as his death was quite sudden and unexpected.  I couldn't help but be overcome by the graciousness of a family in grief, coming to Mass and worshiping with their parish, continuing in their acts of liturgical service, allowing those who love them to accompany them in their grief.  I thought of Peter's mother-in-law, who, once she was touched by Christ, continued in service to others despite her recent illness.  Joining with communal worship despite deep sorrow is gracious indeed.

"Realize that when you get older, you either get senile or become gracious.  There's no in-between.  You become senile when you think the world short-changed you, or everybody wakes up to screw you.  You become gracious when you realize that you have something the world needs, and people are happy to see you when you come into the room."  ~Carlos Santana

I am grateful for these examples of graciousness in difficulty and I pray that God will continue to convert my heart to graciousness so that like the Slattery family, the girl on the basketball team and the family in grief, I may always choose to be gracious to others, freely sharing my gifts and thereby reflecting my Christian faith and love for others despite any pain that may come my way.  After being witness to these examples of graciousness, I found that I could once again lean upon God in prayer, I could summon up the hope, trust and faith that I thought I lacked, and I learned that I, too, can be an example of graciousness for others.  The world is a beautiful place, full of blessings and the wonders of God. When we choose to focus on the good within life instead of the negative we can all become examples of His goodness and His graciousness to those around us. 

"The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace." -Numbers 6:24-26

Here is God

"In life we do many things, say many things, but the voice of suffering offered out of love - which is perhaps unheard by and unknown to others - is the loudest cry that can penetrate Heaven" 
~Chiara Lubich

In my previous post I asked the question "Where are you God?"  I've since learned that when we ask a question of God we had better be prepared to hear an answer, for God did answer my question, not just in the quiet of my silent home at night, but also in a very profound way, through the witness of a faithful couple who are undergoing the effects of cancer and the changes that this diagnosis has brought to their lives.

My family is made up of early risers and we usually attend the 7:30 AM Mass on Sundays at our parish, but  my son John was asked to cantor at the 9 AM Mass this past weekend, so we all slept in a bit to attend the later Mass together.  The church was full of familiar faces that we hadn't see in many years since we started routinely attending the earlier Mass.

After Mass many of the worshipers headed down to the church hall for "Hospitality Sunday"  which is an opportunity to socialize with others while enjoying coffee and donuts.  On this particular Sunday, the Home and School Association was also sponsoring a hot ham and roll/bake sale to raise funds.

My family and I sat with some old friends that we hadn't seen in a while and we were enjoying catching up with each other.  Soon we were joined by our pastor, Fr. Dave, who had purchased some of the ham and rolls and was generously and lovingly serving it to my family.  It felt so good to be in the presence of family and friends, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company.  Then as the hall started to clear out a bit I saw them in the corner of my eye: Ed and Lisa Slattery, that is.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~Philipians 4:13

My family and I have known Ed and Lisa for the past ten years.  Ed has been the basketball coach for my sons, John and Jack, and they both learned so much under Ed's guidance.  We have spent many enjoyable hours sitting in the gym watching Ed pace back and forth and calling out "Bender! Bounce pass!" or "Bender!  Shoot!" or "Bender!  Dribble!"  Ed has devoted countless hours to teaching not only his own four sons, but many other boys as well, the skills necessary to play a good game of basketball, and there are many families, including my own, that are deeply grateful to him for selflessly sharing his passion for the sport with their sons.

But now Ed is in need of much prayer as he was diagnosed with cancer of the throat.  After initial treatments,  he was recently diagnosed for a second time.  It's a heartbreak not only for Ed and Lisa and their fine four sons, but also for everyone who knows Ed.

Paul and I had a blessed opportunity to sit and speak with them before heading out for the day.  Ed sat with a half-eaten donut that was too dry for him to manage to swallow since his face is now half-paralyzed.  His voice, barely audible, was a small echo of the robust shouts we remember hearing on the basketball court.

Lisa, a beautiful woman of great strength and deep love, spoke about the countless hours that they spend in doctor's offices these days.  She talked about how they scramble to get his medical care appointments arranged around both of their work schedules, the work that is more necessary than ever to pay for their medical bills. But they didn't only speak about Ed's health.  Both Ed's and Lisa's eyes just shone with pride as they spoke about their boys, particularly their two oldest who both attend UW-Madison.  Lisa, in particular, spoke of what a blessing it is to see that their Catholic faith still plays an important role in the  lives of her adult sons as the campus offers an abundance of opportunities available to them.

But her eyes quickly filled with tears as Ed showed us the gift that Lisa gave him for their most recent anniversary.  It was a ring that said "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  He mentioned that wearing it to work has allowed him to witness to the faith with his co-workers.  But Ed didn't dwell on his health for long before the conversation quickly turned to his passion, teaching boys to play basketball, and both Ed's and Lisa's faces lit up with joy.

As we sat and visited with Ed and Lisa, I was overcome with, not sadness, but joy.  It was so easy to see that this couple has accepted the cross which has been laid upon their shoulders and they see each day as an opportunity to care for each other and their children with love and grace.  So here was God, not just passing by but sitting directly across from me.  Here was God in this beautiful and strong and faith-filled couple.   Here He was, showing me what it means to trust, to hope and to love.  Here was God living in Ed and Lisa Slattery and here were Ed and Lisa witnessing to God's loving presence through their every word and action.  It was a moment of unmeasurable blessing.

There will be a benefit fish fry and silent auction to financially aid the Slattery family this Friday, January 25th at St. Florian's Parish in West Milwaukee from 5-10 PM.  Details are below.  If you are in the Milwaukee area, please consider attending to help this wonderful family.  And please, no matter where you are, will you offer a prayer for Ed's healing and for all of the family's needs during this difficult time?

**********************************************************************

Hundreds of young athletes from Milwaukee, West Allis, Whitnall, and Greenfield have benefited from the thousands of hours Coach Slattery has dedicated to them over the last 15 years.  Unfortunately Ed, Coach Slattery, has been diagnosed with cancer for a second time.  As he fights through this challenge Ed and his family can use our help.

If you know Ed, you know him as a committed coach, great co-worker, dedicated husband and proud father of four.

A benefit dinner and silent auction with DJ is planned to financially aid the Slattery family.

ED SLATTERY BENEFIT FISH-FRY 
AND SILENT AUCTION
Come to:
St. Florian Parish
1233 South 45th Street Milwaukee, WI 53214
 (1 block North of Greenfield Ave. on 45^th St.)
Friday January 25^th, 2013
Benefit:  5:00 PM until 10:00 PM (FISH FRY 4 - 7)
Voted Best Fish Fry by the readership of the Catholic Herald

Donation: Adults $20.00 and Children $10.00 (12 & under)
Tickets available at the door 
All proceeds will benefit the Slattery family during Ed’s treatment and recovery.
SORRY, DONATIONS ARE NOT TAX DEDUCTABLE.

The Ref

"They were utterly amazed at what he taught, because his message was spoken with authority." ~Luke 4:32






















My family spends a great deal of time watching middle school and high school basketball this time of year as several of the Bender children play for the school and our church and the ones who aren't playing enjoying cheering on the sidelines during their sibling's games.

With all of the games that we watch, it's no surprise that we have become fond of several referees who have an especially good eye during the game, making expert calls and keeping joyful attitudes despite the stress of keeping players, coaches and fans happy.

My very favorite ref is a big, burly, older man who is all stomach and smiles. He not only refs the games, but he practically coaches them as well, giving the players tips on skills that will improve their games and reminding them to bend their knees when they are at the free-throw line. When he blows his whistle and makes a call he puts his whole body into it, slapping his arm to show exactly where the foul occurred and and motioning with his arms as well as with his feet to show traveling and double-dribble calls. He clearly puts his entire self into his work. I love a ref that entertains like this particular man does; he makes watching multiple and repetitive basketball games quite enjoyable.

So at one of my daughter's recent games where he was the ref, I couldn't help but recall last Sunday's gospel reading where it was noted that Jesus spoke with authority. This ref, too, spoke with authority and everyone present at the game payed close attention to his words and willingly abided by his calls without complaint. When I mentioned this to my husband and sons who were watching the game with me their collective groans were almost louder than the sounds of the game, for they have heard my reflective gospel musings far too often at events where most people would be hard put to find the presence of God. One of my sons was quick to call a foul on me by complaining, "Mom! This is a basketball game, it is not Church!"

But still, how could I not make the comparison to Christ? For in this ref's words and actions it was so easy to notice a holy presence. He clearly spread the gospel messages of kindness, joy and diligence through his words and actions. And couldn't we all take a tip of the ball from a ref who speaks with such authority? Shouldn't we all strive for the goal of making every word and action in our lives bring a little more of the authority of the word of Christ to life for those who are in our presence? And if we work hard and are successful at accomplishing this feat in the world, then when the day arrives when we meet the ultimate scorekeeper in heaven we can proudly say with St. Paul, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
~2 Timothy 4:7

Open Up the Roof

"Unable to get near Jesus because of the crowd, they opened up the roof above him." ~Mark 2:4
















Each day as I spend a few early morning moments in prayer with the daily readings before I attend Mass, I pick out one line to reflect upon throughout the day. Some days that line becomes more meaningful to me than others and the words of scripture with which I have prayed come back frequently as a gentle reminder of God's presence in my life. Yesterday's gospel reading from Mark contained one line, "open up the roof" that seemed to make a particular impact upon me.

My weekends are usually unbelievably busy and this weekend in particular was exceptionally packed with activity. Within our family schedule we had seven basketball games which included my required 8 volunteer hours in the concession stand all to be managed around the weekend work schedules of my husband and I and our three oldest sons and our son Justin's Confirmation retreat, a funeral,a birthday party and the seasonal chore of snow removal. Sometimes it is really difficult to get everyone where they need to be when we are scattered into so many places at once and even with four drivers in the house we still only have two cars so our busy weekends end up being a combination of divide/carpool/conquer!

And somehow, in the midst of all that chaos, I was able to open my roof and allow God to find his way in and to make a profound impact on my life.

On Friday afternoon I raced from work to the funeral of Pat Jakus, a friend of mine from Roses for Our Lady. Pat was such a beautifully holy and energetic woman who always gave her all for God and even the way she died was a testimony to the joys that God offers to those who love Him. Pat was a lector at her parish and last week while offering her service as a lector during a funeral Mass at her parish, she proclaimed this beautiful passage:

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 8:38

Then she looked over to the priest, offered a big smile, and as she proceeded to climb the steps to the choir loft she suddenly felt tired and out of breath. She sat on the bottom step, rested her head against the wall and died while the choir was singing "Alleluia."

What a beautiful way for Pat, or for anyone, to die! Clearly Pat lived her life with her roof wide open and so even in her death it was easy for Jesus to find His way into her heart.

Later that night, with thoughts of Pat and the funeral still working through my mind and heart, I was serving up hot dogs and popcorn at my son Jack's basketball game while two teams were battling it out on the court. The sounds of shoes squeaking, fans cheering and coaches calling out plays were ringing through the air. The plays that the coaches call are usually the names of college basketball teams, but at one point I was sure I heard a coach call out "God's will!" Maybe it was just my over-tired imagination having it's way with me at the end of a long day but I thought whether or not that was actually what the coach said, "God's will" would be the perfect name of a play for shouldn't we all plan out every action of our lives with God's will as the ultimate playbook behind our movements? And so the words that I imagined the coach to say became a reminder to me to keep my roof open at all times to allow the will of God to reach me.

I was feeling a bit of sorrow that I wasn't able to convince my boss to let me have Saturday morning off from work because there was a big pro-life rally planned in our Archdiocese and I had really wanted to attend, as if I didn't already have enough going on this weekend! So when I awoke on Saturday morning and opened my email, I found a message from our local 40 Days for Life leader inviting early arrivals to come pray at the abortion mill as there was word that a 14 year-old-girl might be coming for an abortion today. I wanted to open my roof and respond.

My oldest son John was my designated car-pool ride to work, so he and I left home early so that we could spend some time praying at the abortion mill before I would have to leave for work. We arrived at the abortuary at 7:15 AM dressed for the arctic tundra as the temperature was only 16 degrees outside. (Hard to believe that it had been an unseasonably 60 degrees just a few days before!) When we arrived we were the only ones at the clinic but we were soon joined by a woman and three men holding signs. Just before we left, three clinic employees arrived ready to begin the work of death. All morning while at work, my heart remained in those frigid temperatures outside the abortion clinic praying for that young, pregnant girl and all of those affected by abortion including those three employees who seemed so cheerful about beginning their work day. And I prayed, "Dear God, open the roof of the hearts of the abortion mill employees and those seeking an abortion to allow the light of Your love and truth to enter in!"

It seems so strange to consider the differing locations of a beautiful funeral, a rowdy basketball game and a desolate place of death as places where God's will can be heard and acted upon equally and yet this weekend I found it to be very true that it really doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing, if there is joy and love in our hearts and a desire to please the Lord, He will always have His way with us and it is His will that will be accomplished in all things and all ways if we only open our roofs to allow it.

Hemmed In With Love

"Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs on your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-31

How closely and with such care does God watch over us! How blessed we are that he knows every detail about our lives!

My children all play basketball and one of our favorite family pastimes is to attend as many games as we can together. Someone always keeps stats for the sibling who is playing and we all become involved in the sport as we avidly watch the plays and cheer for the team. I wish that more gyms would offer a family price because paying for six of us to watch the seventh play can get pretty pricey at times! But no matter the cost, the great value of spending time together every weekend as a family will outlast any temporary damage to our pocketbook.

A few years ago, the six of us were lined up on the bench watching John, the oldest, play. It was with a bit of trepidation that Paul and I had recently purchased contact lenses for John so that he could avoid the hassle and worry of wearing glasses while he played. John always puts his all into playing and as most players do, gets physically jostled about quite a bit during the game. At this particular game, he had just been bumped hard by another player and my husband suddenly stood up and walked down the bleachers and onto the court. He held up his hand to stop the game. I couldn't imagine what in the world he was doing! Paul is not the type of man who looks for attention or who would ever interfere with a game. I knew that John wasn't hurt in that recent jarring, so why would Paul just get up and go to him during a game, without a word to the rest of us?

What Paul saw, that no one else on the team or on the sidelines noticed was that when John was bumped, one of his contacts popped out of his eye and fell to the floor. Paul walked right over to the place where the contact had fallen, and picked it up. How in the world did he see that? Even John wasn't immediately aware of what had happened!

As providence would have it, one of the referees had some contact lens solution in his pocket and John cleaned the lens and went right back to playing.

In that particular instance of my husband's close observation of our son, I saw a reflection of God's constant close attention to us all. Not a hair on our heads is left uncounted, not a speck in our eye goes by unseen. He is forever watching us with tender love, ready to step in and bring guidance to our mishaps so that we can work to repair the damage to our bodies and souls, no matter how slight the harm may be. We have a God who knows us in every minute detail; a God who is forever waiting to lift us up and brush us off when we fall, and then give us a boost so that we can start all over again.

"You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me." Psalm 139:1-5

Listening for God at the Basketball Game

-sweaty players breathing hard
-shoes squeaking
-coaches yelling
-fans cheering
-buzzers sounding
-referees whistling
-small children whining
-popcorn popping

then

-sudden silence... as player number 12
stands at the free-throw line...
he makes the sign of the cross
before bending knees and
tossing ball...
and “swish” is the only sound heard
before the crowd applauds-

The sounds of a basketball game carry the echo of God’s voice.
I can almost hear Him speaking through the din, saying,
“I am so proud of these boys who play so hard
and give their all for the sport they love.”

When the game is over, Lord,
bless their tired muscles
and grant them rest
until they play again. Amen.